Auditory Processing Disorder: Breaking the Silence of this Silent Disorder

Standing firm on an unstable ground...

2012-02-10T23:17:00.000-03:30

So, yesterday I asked around about what I could do for another blog topic because quite frankly i'm beginning to run out of ideas, however yet again my readers and supporters have been awesome in planting ideas in my head to get the writing juices flowing:)

After reading a comment from a mom who was wondering about her daughter and their situation with the daughters IEP it definatly got me thinking. Her question was about visibility and how having certain supports like a FM system and having her get notes from another student would make her disability visable. As a parent, although I myself am not one yet, I can see that you would want what is BEST for your child however you also want to PROTECT them from harm so in situations like this, its often hard to make a decision.

From reading her comment it was a disagreement between her and her husband. She was supporting the 'doing what is best for her education' which is usually where the mother does come in however a father sees the picture of 'protecting her from pain' especially when its a father relating to his daughter. In most cenario's fathers want to know there daughters are completly away from harm and although mothers want that as well the father from what I have seen in my own parents is usually the over protective one.

Well, from my expereince which is really all I can offer I would say that its not really a matter of visability. Yes, if you use supports and things it is VERY clear to everyone that a child has a problem and needs help HOWEVER, if you don't get help when you know there is a problem despite the fact that people with APD don't appear different physically it is impossible to hide it. In this case its all about showing the reason.

When I was growing up I didn't find out about my APD until the 6th grade and it wasn't really until high school that I started getting supports like a FM system, going into a quiet enviroment for test and so on but because the school was very very small we didn't have many options for support and because compared to other classmates who had dyslexia, my APD was far down on the list of importance; I wasn't a 'severe' case and because back then I was told and we were all taught that APD was just a 'hearing thing' (I appologize for using this terminology all the time) and all I would need was a quiet enviroment for test they would just stick me in a room by myself most times. So, all and all, for me that was more dammage than good because not only did I hate it drawing attention to me but I did need help my reading comprehension was and still is not the best so I needed more help during a test than what anyone realized and me, I just thought I was stupid.

So, after that failure of help, as I have mentioned before I convinced myself that this learning disability was like the Flu in that I could magically make it go away if I worked harder and just took my test in class like the other kids and pretended eveything was fine-but I was wrong. However, less and less over the years I took more test in the classroom until it got to the point where I saw no point in any of it, along with the fact I was now a teenager just hitting puberty so yes I will admit I completly ignored my LD and didn't ask for help, I took the route of making it 'invisible'.

Well, what I learned from that was there is no way to make it invisible. If anything it made my classmates tease me more. The kids with dyslexia, they knew they had a 'learning problem' and that it was wrong to tease them but me, I was just known as the dumb blonde. When I would misunderstand something or not get a joke until 5 minutes later they would say 'Oh Robyn your such a blonde' but little did they know, it could not be helped.

Therefore, thinking back I wish I knew more about APD than then what I know now. However, it is pointless for me to look back on the past with regret because its over and done with but what I CAN do is inform you all of my mistakes so hopefully in the future your kids or teens with APD will chose differently than I did.

Yes, maybe some kids will tease but kids are mean and cruel and despite the hurt it can be delt with because in the long run teachers and kids will soon learn it isn't there fault that when Johnny said a joke Julie took 5 minutes to laugh, or when the teacher has to put the mic on to help Molly who sits in the front it will eventually just become routine and kids won't care anymore. So, in saying all that I say get all the support your kid can get because in the end its about their learning and a little bit of teasing is ALOT less than going through school with more frustration and hurt and tears then there needs to be. Im not saying that there won't be hard times after kids get supports because that is not the case you will still probably have frustations however they will be a lot less and in time people will learn to accept this.

I BELIEVE that instead of being ashamed and thinking about how this isn't normal and being afraid to let people know who we are, I think we should be working together to show everyone its NORMAL. Its our NORMAL and THAT is all that matters!

I hope this helps:) .. Happy Friday Readers!

-apdteen23

To Be Treated Equally, We Must Be Treated Differently!

2012-02-07T01:14:00.000-03:30

So a few months ago I came across a video on youtube that spoke volumes to me, and after my blog post last night I thought about this video yet again and thought I would base tonights blog around it.

Growing up before I got my diagnosis it was hard because I felt like I was different and didn't know why; however as I said before although getting a diagnosis made it a little easier it still wasn't 100%. This being because once I was told I had APD and I started getting some supports like a quieter environment for test and extended time to process information which was fine and dandy for me but to the other kids they would say 'thats not fair'.

I use to feel so ashamed when hearing that. Some people would say things like "She only did better because she gets this or that" or because I had certain resourses that this kid didn't that somehow excused them from doing poorer than me on a test. That use to bother me so much that it eventually got to the point where I stopped using supports altogether. I wanted to be like everyone else and prove that I was smart at there level and could still do just as good as them or better without the help. However, I was sadly mistaken but what I didn't realize was that being fair and treated equally didn't mean to be treated exactly the same. I also realized that by me needing a little more help than the other kids and different settings to do test or to learn at their pace it didn't mean I was any less smart than they were it just meant that this is something I need to do my best and they don't need it therefore it is completely and 100% fair for me to be treated differently.

Here is the link to the video I saw that inspired this video and this man gives some wonderful insight to what I am discussing here and he also gives some great examples:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G9--hUQDwY&feature=related

Enjoy!:)

-apdteen23

Breakthrough the shell

2012-02-06T00:56:00.000-03:30

So, after looking at a post on a few of the facebook APD groups today and cross refrencing my list of idea's for blog topics this one comment I saw sparked an idea.

It is very clear that the parents who come to these online support forms are very concerned for their children, as all parents are however one thing that I have noticed to concern many of them is what happens when im not there? What happens when a teacher dosen't understand their needs like if they get a substitute teacher or a new teacher and I (the parent) am unaware and my child isn't being treated properly?

Well parents, my answer to that is I don't really have one answer. I guess every kid is going to have a different experience. However, what I will do as I have been doing all along is share my experience in the hopes that it provides some comfort or understanding.

Growing up for me I always felt different and out of place. Even before I got a diagnosis I felt like there was something different about me than all the other kids and it was so frustrating not knowing why. My teachers thought I was just a kid with a bad behaviour and if I 'smartened up' and 'paid attention' that my work would not be at the poor quality that it was. Despite the fact that they were wrong, it was YEARS before we knew they were wrong so after a while of being told your a bad kid and after trying and no one believe you were you start to accept the identity of being the 'bad' kid because no one believes you have been trying at all.

I would love to tell you that once I got my diagnosis I was out of the woods but that would be misleading. Although because of this new 'label' my teachers were now more lenient towards me I very quickly felt like one of those kids who was just being pushed along. No one dug deeper to uncover the other issues I was having they just stuck to this one label, a label that had so much more to it than anyone knew including myself.

It wasn't until the ninth grade for me that I started to fight for myself. I was very lucky to get new english, math, and music teachers that year which helped me in so many ways beyond what the books could teach however it was because of them I started to not care about being slow if I needed help or didn't understand I was upfront about it. However because my other difficulties were not known at the time to be associated with APD I still felt stupid for no good reason so quite often I was still a little hesitant to ask questions. As I expressed in my title it was at this point that I was slowly breaking out of my shell but wasn't completly confident at this point. Mostly, I would ask for help after class and approach the teachers when no one else was around. Yes, sometimes I would get frustrated in class and the teacher would then know I didn't understand but like every year prior to that I tried to keep it in.

Then when I got to the 10th grade my English teacher, the one who had the biggest impact had left for another school and I no longer had music class that year and as I mentioned many times before with the added pressures of going from jr high to high school despite it was still in the same building it was still very hard.

To make a very long story short it wasn't until grade 12 that I completly started to advocate for myself however a lot of that wasn't because it wasn't until then that I brought it upon myself to research why I was having the troubles I was having and learned so much more about APD then I never knew before. Growing up it was all about it being a 'hearing' thing and still today many people only believe it to be a 'hearing' thing.

So parents, my advice to you in all of this, from my expereince is try to inform your kids about APD. Let them know that the troubles they are having is not their fault because I felt for years that it was. For me it got to the point I was ashamed to tell people these things I was expereincing difficulties with because I was told besides from 'hearing' I was fine and should be doing great in school. Bottom line; keep them informed because although it may seem like common sense that they relate their issues to their LD it may not.

-apdteen23

You don't have a learning dissablity...you can read

2012-01-15T02:22:00.000-03:30

I want to start this blog off with two questions. How many times do you hear people talking about Learning dissablities and hear them talking about Dyslexia? In saying that, how many times do you hear people talking about learning dissablities and talking about APD?

While I am glad to see that dyslexia has a lot of media attention and advertisement; It saddens me that so many people think dyslexia when they think learning disorder and yet not many think APD.

Despite the fact that Hollywood sometimes tends to give a wrong impression about dyslexia and dosen't really show the audiences what it really is, atleast the name is out there. So many times I have been talking to people and they have no idea what APD is. Often times when I would say I had a learning disablity growing up I would get one very common response of "You can read, so you can't have a learning dissablity".

Why is it that our society INSTANTLY connects learning dissablites with the ability to read? Then the next thing they look for is writing. However, if a child has APD and mis-heard something or didn't quite comprehend what it was that was being said they are either A) slow and stupid (In my case I was called 'blonde' because of it) or B) They have a 'hearing' issue.

Well, I will be the very first to tell you that this isn't true! learning dissablities like people come in all different forms; shapes and sizes if you will. They come in different weaknesses and strengths and they come in different areas whether it be visual or auditory.

Another popular one I get, after I breifly explain APD (in a nut shell) they ask well "why do you suffer with other things if its a hearing thing". Because its called auditory processing disorder, and because the main major issue is the weakness of processing sounds in the brain to simplify it people just call it a hearing thing which also narrow minds them to everything it really is.

From what I have been able to learn and gather, learning dissablities are all connected. They start with visual and auditory and then under each category there are a bunch of different branches of different dissablities but sometimes they connect to one another; sometimes the auditory and visual issues cross paths.

So, in saying all this, I hope that in the future things will be different. I hope to be able to go into youtube and find tons of videos on auditory processing disorder just like you can dyslexia. I hope to see a Hollywood film, or even a non-hollywood film where the character has APD and not dyslexia. I hope that with each new year, more and more people know and understand APD. However, in order for there to be change we have to start it. I have learned that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself or you can't expect anything to be done differently. So, as for myself I am going to continue this blog and in this new year I have added to my list of things to work with other people with APD; teen friends of mine whom I have met online along with parents and put together a short film, so there will be one more film out there which makes it one film closer to the amount thats out there about dyslexia.

Although I am happy that dyslexia has such a well-known title in our society and am happy for all the people with dyslexia that when they tell people thats what they have; most people know; however, I hope to see that change with APD. As the title of my blog says I want to break the silence of this silent dissablity but I can't do it alone so I challenge all of you my readers to help me break this silence!

-apdteen23

I Just Can't Listen Anymore.

2012-01-12T02:54:00.001-03:30

Hello Readers,
I realized that I hadn't filled you all in on a recent aspect of my life that I feel I most deffinitly should. Mainly, its because I often feel like when I tell you these things I have let you all down.

I have mentioned this on facebook in the groups that I have become apart of and have been such a major help to me, so I figured I should post the news on here incase there is people reading my blogs that aren't in the groups. I have left school and am not returning to complete this semester, however in saying that I want to explain myself.

After a full semester of university, I have come to the very difficult decision that this type of learning enviroment was not for me. Not only because it was difficult, because trust me I find most things in life difficult and I am not the type to give up, however, I have realized that this form of learning isn't best for me.

Looking back at last semester all I remember is sitting there in class listening to lecture after lecture and the sad thing is, if you asked me to talk about what I learned I would not be able to tell you much. I realized that I need something with more instruction and visuals, even maybe some hands on work. Even though school was very hard in high school and my marks weren't the best, I made it through. This is because in high school the classes were smaller, it was easier to get attention from the teacher and extra help, and the teachers used visuals and over heads and things I could physically see to teach; it wasn't just me sitting there listening to them talk for an hour(in some cases longer)

Just as my title says; I just can't listen anymore. I found with university because it was so much lecturing that just after one class I would be so mentally exsausted that even a half hour in my brain would slowly start shutting off and then I would have to leave that and go to another lecture; not exactly ideal for me.

Having APD deffinitly makes my life very frustrating as many times I just wish I could sit there and listen and retain it all like a non apder because many times I feel so abnormal; however, slowly, I just have to accept this learning style wasn't for me.

In saying this, I do plan to return to school but instead I intend to go to college. For my USA readers I am referring to community college. Here in Canada(not sure how it works down there) at college the classes are much smaller, its more specific and routine (which is also more important things to have when you suffer with APD), and it is more hands on and instruction based versus sitting down and listening to a prof talk.

I have also decided I would like to do social work and I have been successful in finding a college that offers it without having to do university courses. It is more hands on and one of my courses would be working along side a social worker so I would be getting expereince as I am learning(which makes remembering things so much easier-when you put it into practice it tends to stick). I want to help people, especially kids. However, I still fully intend on continuing blogs and advocating for APD; I will continue that until the day I die because quite honestly I want to do everything I can to help kids who suffer with APD to not have to wait as long as I did to get help. I also want to do my best in ensuring that kids get better supports than what some are getting.

Although I won't be working as a teacher in a school close up, I think so many cases of kids who are struggling not only with APD with many other issues go through the cracks and its the kids that go through social services that don't have parents to advocate for them are the ones who have the most trouble so I want to be a voice for those kids who are lost and confussed and no one looking out for them.

Thank-you all for continuing to read my blog.

-apdteen23

Spilling v.s. Spelling

2012-01-11T03:38:00.003-03:30

Hello Readers,

I haven't done a blog in a while so I felt like a new one was in order, plus, this will be my very first for 2012:)

Tonight, as I was going through my old things from elementary school I noticed something that I have never noticed before. I noticed for one thing that I had TERRIBLE spelling. Even to this day I do struggle with spelling but I am getting better, however, my spelling as a kid saying it was bad was an understatement. In saying that, after looking at the WAY I spelled things and looking beyond the simple fact that it was wrong I came to realize WHY I was spelling the way I was.

Confusion With Vowels
One of the first things I had noticed (ironic as it is) I wrote in my school memory book in my grade 2 year that one of my school activities was spelling, however, I spelled it spilling. Also, I had to list names of my friends I had that year and one girls name was Megan and I spelled it Magon (again switching vowels that sound correct for that word). Another example of words that would cause this problem would be the words Guidance Counselor. Back when I was in grade six, I spelled it Guidence (GUI -DENCE) Counsaler (COUN SA LER). Again, this would be a major combination of vowel confusion and it not spelling the way it sounds which brings me to my next example.

Why Don't It Spell How It Sounds?
Another major thing I noticed in my spelling is I am spelling things EXACTLY how they sound. For instance, in this same memory book(this time for the third grade) it asked me what some special events were and I responded with picture day which I spelled picher day.

Where Do They Go?Sometimes though, I found that it was just the matter of, I knew what letters went in the word but wasn't sure as to what order they went in. For instance, the word Honour. In grade five I had spelled it Hounur (not sure where the extra u came from though infront of the n) and then in grade six I spelled it Honner. Therefore, in grade five it seems like I knew there were O's and U's I just didn't know where they went and I used two U's instead of O's. However, in grade six it seems as if I turned to spelling it as it sounded(or at least how it had sounded to me).

Why Must There Be Silent Letters?In many cases we spell words as we hear them, however in this situation especially that won't get you far. Silent letters are very tricky and often times cause a lot of stress for someone who has poor spelling to begin with. One example is the word Initiative. When this word is pronounced you can not hear the a however it is there. So, when I was in grade eleven I spelled it inititive. Again, in this case I knew it had started with an I and that there were more I's in the word but I clearly wasn't sure how many and I couldn't hear the a in the pronunciation. Another example of this type of error would be the word island. Back in grade three I spelled the word 'island' as iland because the s is silent in this case; again causing an issue in spelling it.

So, after reading through all of these mistakes, I have clearly noticed there is most deffinitly a connection between the way we hear things and the way we spell them and for someone with Auditory Processing Disorder, it makes that task all that much harder.

Below here I thought I would list a few words that I didn't use as examples; ones that I mis-spelled and I will tell you the age I was of when I spelled it that way.

Grade 2
Summer = Somer
Great = Grat
Twillingate = Tolegat
Very = Vary
Every = Avry
Going = Gowing
Castle = Casl
Asked = Asted
Cool = Colle
Would = Wod
Much = Moss
Cousins = Cosins
Soccer = Socer
Garden = Gardun
Movie = Movey
Coming = Comeing

Grade 3
Imagination = Amaganashon
Pretend = Pretined
Limo = Lemo
Meet = Meat
Hospital = Hosptail
Rest = Reast
Candles = Candells
Since - Sence
Groceries = Grosheres
Principals = Princapels

Grade 4
Concert = Consert
Picnic = Picnac

Grade 5
Intramural's = intermerls
Assembly = Easbley

Grade 6
Assembly = Asembly
Guidance Counselor = Guidence Counsaler
Party = Partey
Swallow = Swollow
Characteristics = Charicteristics
Temperature = Tempature
Northern = Northren
Caught = Cought
Pupils = Pupials
Developed = Devloped
Environment = Enviroment
Behavioural = Behavioral
Generation = Generatation
Often = Offten

Grade 7
Successful = Sucsesful

I hope you enjoyed my blog and please if you have any ideas for a blog or comments or questions for me please feel free to leave them!

-apdteen23

Its all about the details..but one step at a time...

2011-12-18T02:21:00.001-03:30

So, I am finally home for Christmas! My first semester of university is officially complete! Its been a long and hard semester but its been so worth it. Even though i've had many set backs that have made me feel like giving up, even to this day, I keep fighting and holding on as tough as it is!

Anyways, just thought I would give you all a quick update on my current status however, I have a completly new idea for a blog that was inspired by one of my dear apd support friends. Throughout this blog I want to talk about how detail is so important for people living with APD and how without schedule, and routine, it can all become very overwhelming.

Although routine and schedule is hard for someone with APD to achieve, it is very crutial. We often times need our parents, teachers and friends to help us with it but we do EVENTUALLY get the hang of it all and it may seem stressful on times for others but as you read through this blog you will begin to learn why.

If your not a parent of someone who has APD, your probably wondering how a child wanting to be on schedule is stressful? Well, when you experience the child asking for every detail of everything thats about to happen or wanting exact times and dates as to when things will happen that can get annoying. However, for those of you who are parents, teachers, or friends of APDers and have witnessed this, I will try my best to further explain why it is so important to us.

After thinking about it a little while and hearing stories of other kids with APD who expereince the same issues, I believe that when things are not planned, or not in order then we forget things. For instance, tonight I was wrapping christmas presents, checking my facebook and doing up parcels for the mail and I had myself on a schedule I would do one thing at a time take it one by one complete one task and move onto the next one. However, my mom came in then and gave me a card I needed to sign so she could deliver it and because I got distracted I very quickly then forgot what I was doing. Its also like when you give someone with APD instructions on something. Like for me when I was a kid if my mom would say "Go upstairs and grab the cordless phone for me" and then say something about turning the TV off or adding more things to what she said, I would run up stairs but then forget what I was up there for. Therefore, we like to know when things are going to happen but have an order for them and take it one thing at a time.

It also helps when things are written down. I know for me, even though I have trouble processing words sometimes and understanding readings, I am still much better visually then by auditory. So, I know for me, I like to have list of things and times and a detailed schedule to go by, this way I can literally check things off as I go and take it again, as I said, one thing at a time.

Another reason I believe we like to know details and ask so many questions is because we don't like to feel behind which is why we usually ask ahead of time. I know for myself I often feel like the world is going so fast and I can't keep up. Like there is so many things I need done just in one day or one week. I realize many people experience that kind of stress however because a person with APD processes things slower and needs more time to understand things, it gets more frustrating because we need more time and time dosen't slow down for us to do it so it often gets very overwhelming. Therefore, we like to know things in advanced so we can be prepared for whats to come. Its like how people recommend students with APD have access to notes and things before the other kids at school this way they dont feel behind when something is just being started. They will have taken the time to understand or atleast know what is being covered so when the teacher is explaining it they will know what questions they want to ask etc.

I hope this blog was of help to you parents who have children who react this way! I also hope if any of you have any more questions you will ask because I more than happy to answer them. It also gets me thinking and piecing together things about myself when I hear of other peoples expereinces and they wonder why.

I also would like to wish you all a merry christmas, happy Hanukkah (Chrismukkah) and all the best in the new year:)

-apdteen23

The Cycle Of The APD Hero - My Journey From The Beginning To Now

2011-12-14T00:37:00.002-03:30

Hey there readers:) So for my final assignment in english class I had to take an aspect of something we have learned and relate it to something in my life... soo I took some quotes from literature we have read and used them to tell my story through APD so I thought I would share it!

Hope you all enjoy! It is quite lengthy but I hope you all will read!

-apdteen23

After reading the pieces of literature for this semester, it has been so apparent to me how well I can relate to these literary works. Growing up and my journey to discovering my learning disability and learning to live with it, has reminded me of the cycle of the hero in so many ways. Even after being given a diagnosis, the cycle of being in the familiar to the unknown still continued.

Unlike the cycle of the hero, my story begins in the unknown. It starts with the unfamiliar of having a constant struggle, however it was one that no one paid attention to. Not only was the fact that nobody saw a problem a constant battle, but then I experienced a major war within myself of realizing I was different but not knowing why.

As a small child in elementary school, many people believed me to be just a bad kid who did not try, nor care. I remember getting in trouble with my parents because of the comments from teachers that would be on my report card. They would say things like “Robyn is very inattentive in class, very unorganized, a slow worker, needs constant reminders to keep on task while doing work, misses instructions, and over all needs to learn better classroom behaviour.” However, what they did not know was that it was so far from being my fault.

One thing that I came to realize growing up is when people are putting you down and tell you ‘you are no good’, and that ‘you are not smart and not trying’, you begin to believe it. Not only did the school seem to think I was lazy and not trying, I also never had many friends. I had one best friend whom I had met back before pre-school and were best friends though school, which helped, but when everyone else around you is teasing you for missing a joke, blaming your slowness on the colour of your hair, and constantly pointing out your stupid and silly mistakes, those thoughts stay with you.

Not only was I having problems at school, I was also having issues at home. My constant frustrations with school and peers often caused many major break downs and anger issues as a child. Time and time again I would come home from school so angry and frustrated that my mother would have to lock me in my room for time out until I had calmed down. Little did we all know, this had so much to do with my learning disability was yet to be discovered.

It was not until I was about 10 years old that my mom really began to question things. It began when she came across an article about children with ADD and thought “wow this truly sounds like Robyn”. After reading the article she brought it to the attention of her psychologist. This led to meeting her psychologist who was very quick to come to the conclusion that there was no way that this was my problem. However, he did have some concerns so he sent me to my school counsellor for testing. This was only the beginning of many assessments and doctor visit.

It first started with multiple academic tests with my guidance counsellor. This led to visiting the psychologist again, then an assessment with a speech language pathologist, a paediatrician, and an eyes and ears assessment with the school nurse. Finally the last of the assessments was a trip to the audiologist. This is where I received the confirmed diagnosis of (Central) Auditory Processing Disorder. This entire experience reminds me of the quote by Annie Dillard that states “[b]ecause I had to climb a mountain to get there”. It reminds me of my experience because we had to go through so much struggles and hard times, like climbing a mountain to get to the answer of my problem. It was long and painful, but we did manage to get to the top.

This diagnosis brought so much relief for the people around me. The fact that they now had a label to put on it helped in so many ways. After discovering why I was acting the way I was brought so much clarity to them everyone around me.

When I started the sixth grade, the school got a FM system for me which was supposed to help. However, it was an old FM system that had horrible feedback and background noise which defeated the purpose of it being there. Not only that, but there was so much more to this learning disability than anyone knew, including myself. By this point, my grades had improved a little because the teachers were aware that there was a problem so they were more lenient with me, but not by much. Everyone around me believed because they knew my diagnosis everything would fix itself. However, I was still feeling as if there was still something there that nobody else realized which kept me down in the unknown.

Junior High brought a whole new experience to the issue. Even though there was more support available, there still was not much. In addition, because APD was not known as being a ‘learning’ issue and was just a ‘hearing thing’, I was always last priority when it came to receiving help. They would often say “well, her only problem is she cannot have background noise, therefore we can just stick her in a room by herself and let her do test in there”. What was not realized at this point was a classroom with no one in only myself, was ‘louder’ to me than a classroom with other students there. This was due to the fact that I would get distracted by my own thoughts and would have nobody there to keep me on track. This was another aspect of APD that nobody realized.

After just managing to get through grade seven, with a little under average grades, I moved along into grade eight. That year brought a whole new load of challenges for me. Along with the fact that school was very hard and at this point I still was not getting any better support, it was also the year that my best friend since preschool had moved. Like me, she had a learning disability so on some level, even though it was not the same one, we understood each other. It was one thing to feel so stupid and incompetent in school because no one believed you when you told them you were struggling and trying your hardest; but to have to go through Junior High without your best friend who has been by your side really makes you feel like your world is being taken away. The fact that I never really had other friends also contributed in me becoming depressed during that year.

After having my best friend move away, I felt as if I had no one by my side anymore. No one to be there and no one who believed in me so I very quickly started giving up. It came to the point where not even the school’s newly started music program made me happy. It did help a little, truly it was really the only thing that kept me from killing myself, however it did not replace not having my best friend by my side.

In the cycle of the hero, after the hero starts to come out of the unknown, he then meets a mentor or a guide. For me, that following September of Grade nine was when I met my two mentors. During this year, I received new teachers that completely saved me from myself, but it took me a while to realize it.

The first guide I met would be my English teacher, Mr. Noseworthy. It was by complete fate that this man became my teacher because he was a last minute replacement when my current teacher had to take the role of principal. In the quote “[a] fool sees not the same tree a wise man sees” by William Blake, this teacher is the wise man and I am the tree. He is one of the few who managed to help me find some confidence and unlock my potential. He put in the time and effort and actually helped me with my work instead of pushing me off to the side saying I was not trying.

My second guide would be my new music teacher, Mr. Chaulk. Although music had been an escape for me for as long as I can remember, he helped me bring my music to a whole new level. He helped work with my confidence and helped me find a goodness inside of me when I felt like I had none. Throughout the course of my years from grade nine to this very day, I have had a few mentors and guides from school, however this man was much more than a music teacher to me. This man quickly became a friend to not only me but my whole family.

Then as I reached my years of high school, things began to go downhill from there. I became depressed during this year because my English teacher was forced to transfer schools as our old English teacher returned as our teacher. Although he was not a horrible teacher, he was not that constant reminder in my life that I was smart and special in my own way. He did not understand my needs the way Mr. Noseworthy did. Along with the fact my English teacher left, I no longer had music class either. Even though I had after school band rehearsals, it was not nearly the same. However, on top of all this, was the new found hardness of high school and the new challenges that brought. Despite not physically moving buildings, as our junior high and high school are in the same building, the courses did become much harder and I was given mostly all new teachers.

Once again my academics took a turn for the worse, and resulted in me starting to lose interest in other things I loved. I very quickly became depressed. I started to give up completely with my school work, and I had few friends because as I started to go downhill, no one wanted anything to do with me. I felt so alone and so unwanted that most every night I would just wish that I would not wake up in the morning.

It finally got to the point where one night I went down into my kitchen, poured a handful of pain killers in one hand, and a bottle of water in the other and was determined to end my life right there and then. As I started to take the cap off of the water bottle, I started to think about the decision I was making. I suddenly felt a force stopping me from doing it within. The sad thing is, the thought of not being alive was not what stopped me. What had stopped me at this point was the fear of it not working. The ideas of what everyone would think of me and what people would say were running right through my mind. Being from a small town, everyone knows everyone, word gets around and the idea of having people glare at me as being even crazier then I believed them to already see me as did not settle well with me.

After I had decided to not go through with the act, I ran to my room with tears running down my face. As soon as I got to my room I instantly got online and at the time was glad when I saw a friend of mine online. She was pretty much the only person in my class that I talked to and at the time I felt I could trust her. I felt I could trust her. I decided to tell her what I was about to do just a few moments before. Her reply to what I had just explained was to not worry, things would get better and that she would be there for me no matter what.

For the first time in a while, I went to bed not feeling horrible about having to get up for school in the morning. I felt as if maybe things would get better and even though deep down I felt as if I was kidding myself, I tried to block out that feeling of doubt. The next morning, as I was standing by my locker getting my books to go to class, a guy from my class came over to me and asked if I had tried to kill myself the night before. My response to that was a blank stare of complete shock. I could not believe that people had found out about it. If this guy knew, then everyone knew. The worse part, was when he followed by saying I should have done it because they all would have been better off without me.

After hearing this I was convinced my only way to get rid of this feeling, was by getting a fresh start. For months I begged and tried convincing my parents to move me away to another place. I was even willing to be shipped off to boarding school; however, they would not take it. I eventually came to the point where I gave up, but decided I would just plan to do extremely well in school by somehow making my learning disability go away and get all A’s and get into a university far away.

For the remainder of the year I became so engaged in my school work, constantly studying and trying my hardest, however, after working my hardest and not receiving marks above seventy I was beginning to feel very discouraged so again, I gave up trying.

At the end of that year I received my report card with marks that were not anywhere near what I wanted them to be. My mother became very concerned. She became even more concerned when we learned in a meeting with my school counsellor and principle that because of the small school size it was mandatory for me to take a course that I was close to failing the year before. That past year, I had only done an introduction to the material and failed the whole science unit based on that topic and I was being forced into the upper year course of it because of the lack of courses. This made my mom very frustrated and started to seriously consider moving me to a new school. My father said there was no way that we were leaving Twillingate. He said that many people graduated from there before and did fine and therefore a move was completely unnecessary.

Despite what my father thought was best at the time, things very quickly changed. Over the course of the summer as my grandmother became very ill with cancer and was not given much time. This helped my parents make the decision of moving much easier. Although we did not have my grandmother around for long and she passed away before school had started it was a great new start for all of us, and bringing us closer to family.

Although going to a new school then brought me even further into the unknown, in no time I was making my way up into the known. In the words of Annie Dillard “[t]he new place interest you because it is not clear”, best described how at this time even though everything about this new experience was unknown, that was what was so appealing and exciting to me.

A change in atmosphere gave me a clean slate. I made the decision I was going to take all easier courses. The school was larger and there were so many more courses to choose from. I decided that I was going to pick the easy courses so I could do well without having to tell anyone about my learning disability. I was convinced that by doing this I could breeze through and make my learning disability go away. This did give me more confidence for the time being as I was able to become more involved in extracurricular because there was more offered and my course load was not as demanding. However, I failed to realize the courses that I was interested in courses that were mostly all electives. The light course load was good for that one year because it boosted my confidence and got me on the honour role, but it gave me no indication to what my grade twelve year would be like.

Not only was the load for grade twelve much harder because of public exams, I was also forced back to my hometown because of a tragedy that affected my father’s side of the family. Even though it was not an easy move we had to return to my home town. Grade twelve was a whole new challenge. It caused many problems academically. I had taken a ‘slacker’ year the previous year doing electives, I now had to take harder courses to get my graduation credits. Many of the mandatory courses were also public courses in which the final exams are made by the government. These exams have such strict rules that the teachers of the course are at no point allowed to view the exam. This makes preparing for the exams a little harder.

Having four public courses, one university preparation math course, and two electives made grade twelve very frustrating. After living away for the year doing easy courses and no supports, I decided to not use any supports again when I came home. I was popular at my old school when I did not use them so I figured maybe if I ignored my learning disability again for another year it would go away. I was very wrong. One of my major issues with learning is reading comprehension. It takes me forever to understand things that to others are so easy. Having a public English, Biology, and World Geography course was very challenging. Along with two math courses one university preparation course and one public math course which were also very difficult because I always had trouble with math as well.

After a few months into school my grades were dropping yet again. I was trying my hardest, staying for tutorials and studying all the time but it was not working. I was still doing horrible on test and not getting anywhere. I finally came to the realization that if I wanted to get anywhere in life, I would have to give in and accept help and learn to accept my learning disability. To do that I had to truly learn what it meant to have APD because the supports I received as a child did not work. I looked into what it really meant to have APD and along the way I managed to meet a few people going through the same thing I was. I learned there was so much more to APD then what many people realized

After I had finished my research I brought it all to the attention of my school counsellor. She was very understanding of what I had to say and was so glad I brought it to her attention. In terms of cycle of the hero, this woman would be another mentor/guide. I had talked to her about my issues and what things I was having difficulty with because of my learning disability it was easier to get supports for me. Although it was a small school and there were not many supports available to give, it was much easier than doing it all alone.

Despite the fact I was far from a top A student, I still managed to pull through. Even though it took much hard work, determination, and strength I did complete high school with maybe not the best marks, but one thing I had failed to learn growing up is that it dose not matter about the best, all that matters is my best and those are two different things.

Now, I have finally made it. Despite what others believed and I myself believed, I did achieve my goals. Although university has been a completely new trip into the unknown, it has been a wonderful ride so far. I am constantly learning new things each day and although it gets very frustrating at times, it is worth every minute of it. William Blake says it best when he says “[w]hat is now proved was only once imagined”. From this quote he shows us exactly what I myself have been learning, is that we often prove imaginations to realities when we least expect them.

Don't take it personally..I'm just stressed

2011-12-06T00:08:00.001-03:30

This next post was inspired by the fact that first semester exams are coming up in my very near future. I wanted to get another blog up for this semester and I thought this topic would be perfect!

I know for myself, as I am sure it applies to many of my fellow apders out there, when time comes for a big test, assignment, a hard class, or anything that is overly stressful, like your average person we get stressed and over whelmed, HOWEVER, the stress we go through is often times different than what most people experience and many people don't realize that!

Speaking from expereince, I know for me personally I get quite stressed to the point where I look completly run down and tired and very overwhelmed and a little on edge. Luckily, it is the soul of exams and as soon as they go so does the mood.

It is often times so hard, I know being in first year university it has gotten even harder because on top of school work there is having to go to the store and getting things, chores and so on and so forth, the things you can normally get your parents to do if you have a ton of school work, however it dosen't work that way when your far from home so it has deffinitly been a whole new experience for me this year.

So, all and all, I know this is a quick blog but I just wanted to say to you parents especially, if your apder is stressed and overwhelmed and starting to get run down, don't be TOO alarmed unless it last a LONG time, and if you are lucky and it only last a short time, just be supportive, but still give them their space. If they snap or get annoyed easily, don't take it to heart just know they are going through a difficult time and need to learn to adjust. I think for someone with APD there will always be stressed linked to school work and learning and not understanding, its the story of our lives, however, its when it gets too hard to handle then you need to look into help. I know for me, starting university has been a new kind of stress and I have been getting better with dealing with it, however, I am still learning to find ways that I can cope and work around my stress so its not as exsausting, but it takes time and practice. However, although they need space, it is nice knowing that someone is there for you. Just a reminder that as long as we do OUR BEST nothing else matters. Its not about being THE best, its about being YOUR best!

-apdteen23

The Trouble with Math...

2011-11-14T16:19:00.001-03:30

If I were to ask you, my readers how many of you like math would many of you say you did? Well, although math dosen't seem to directly interfear with APD itself. I am convinced that indirectly it causes issues. This is because, not only do I struggle with it in repetative ways, but many people that I have had the pleasure of meeting online with APD do as well.

Just think about it for a second. Some of the main symptoms of APD that are commonly found are:

1. Following multi-step, or multiple instructions.
- Well, isn't in most cases math multi-stepped? Like I know the higher levels of math I am doing there is like 4 and 5 steps to each different type of problem. So, even though its auditory, I am a full believer in that apd has way more than auditory problems which leads me to my next point. Also, when math is initially taught isn't it taught by auditory explanation. Even though there are visual aids to follow most of the time, if it is being taught the teacher is 'talking' through it and usually its at a faster pace than most people with apd can take in. Then, even if they are taking it in, chances are if its too fast(sometimes we don't even realize its too fast at the time- I know I sometimes don't) we forget as soon as the lesson is done which leads you to my next point...

2.Issues with short term memory.
- Math is all about memory and tequinique. Even though you can't MEMORIZE Math like you can a word or definition, you still need to remember steps on how to do questions, which ties into trouble with multi-step directions - (these two symptoms kinda go hand and hand when it comes to math).

3. Trouble with Reading Comprehension.
- Although math is mostly numbers, there is always word descriptions of how to do a question correct? And then there is word problems..also correct? Well, if you put these three symptoms together of math being too fast, long and hard to remember and NOW having issues with reading and understanding the question.. sounds like an issue here to me.

All and all, I have showed you how horrible I believe math to be. I know for me personally I find it so hard to keep the steps straight and I get tangled up in steps if it is different every time or simular to another type of math problem.

However, from having APD I have learned NOTHING comes easy, so yes it takes more effort but it IS doable. I know first hand, being in University math how hard it can be and how much other work you have math kinda gets pushed to the side in my case because there are weekly assignments and I am like well you can't study math...but here's the secret...you can!

A good friend of mine told me to just practice, look through the text book. My text book isn't too bad but I know there are some out there that are horrible, however, again, as I have always said if you don't understand NEVER BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!

So, I challenge you, if your reading this blog and you struggle with math like I do and have APD, or know someone who fits this, to comment and share your experience with math, or just simply let me know you agree:)

-apdteen23

"Just keep on swimming" - Dory(Finding Nemo)

2011-10-18T03:15:00.002-02:30

So I figured I would update you all tonight since I can't sleep and I have a bunch of test coming up and won't have time in the near future. Speaking of test, I figured tonight I would discuss the wonders of preparing for test and how troubling that can be for someone with apd.
So, from what I have learned over the years studying comes in steps.

-First step is reading the chapter(s) of the content that is being covered and to keep re-reading them until things start to stick which isn't as easy as it sounds.

-Second, is to re-read it again however this time make some notes in a notebook or highlight some things in the text book that look important for upcoming test and assignments.

-Third step is to try and put the notes you have made from the text into your own words this way it will stick better and it becomes learning and not memorizing(I have learned that memorizing, especially in university gets you no where). This is because by memorizing, you will loose the information and sometimes even before you go to write the test which can be very frustrating. By learning the material you can retain it and actually in some cases learn to apply it. I know your probably thinking well whats the difference in learning and memorizing and how do I do learn v.s memorize? Well, what I would say to that would be that memorizing is trying to read definitions and things word for word and resite them all in your brain which just causes frustration and confusion after a while and you forget most of it(as I said above) so instead I would suggest doing things like paraphrasing what your reading once you understand it, this way, since its in your own words your more likley to understand and reatain it than if it were in someone elses words. Another technique I would suggest that I have found useful is finding ways to remember it by using acrynms and comparing it to things you know. For instance, in my high school science class I had to remember a level chain for biology and it was kindom, it phylum, class, order, family, genus, species... however, for me to get it straight I remembered it by king phillup came over for good soup. This way it was a full statement that I could remember and could use the first letters and not get the order messed up.

Also, another aspect to studying that is very important(probably most important) that I forgot to mention here would be to give yourself PLENTY of time before a test or assignment due date to prepare. DO NOT PROCASTINATE. For instance try reading a little bit of your text book chapter every night or review your notes your teacher gave you from that days class, or even better, if the teachers are willing to do so, get acess to the notes the day before the teacher goes over it. This way, when the teacher is talking about it you will have already reviewed it and will be familuar with it and wont have to hesitate to ask questions. Also if you don't understand you can have your questions prepared before hand. I know with many teachers and schools this is hard to get access too, but if you have the oppertunity, deffitily take advantage of it.

Well, I know this blog is a bit short and there isn't a lot of advice, but to be honest, even though im in my first year university I am still learning about study habbits and what works for me because being a different learner often times requires a lot of experimenting to find a way that best suits you because often times the same methods don't work for all subjects. So, I hope this has helped and again thanks to all my readers for following my blog I really appreciate it:)

-apdteen23

You're not stupid... and don't let anyone tell you differently!

2011-10-01T02:06:00.001-02:30

So tonight I thought I would update more on my university life and how things have been going. I am going to tell you, it hasn't been all butterflies and rainbows.

First off, I had a terrible encounter with one of my proffesors and I will explain more as I go along. See, this past monday, I had to go around to all my profs giving them a form from student services here at St Thomas saying I have a learning dissablity and it outlines my need and accomidations and so on. Anyways, 4 out of 5 of my proffesors gave me absolutly no trouble at all. They were kind and nice about it and totally approachable. However, I had one proffessor for my sociology class who was just scary in general and made me feel completly unconfortable and paranoid. After I had given this professor my sheet I didn't think much of it. I just went up, introduced myself explained and walked away.

However, during the next class the prof(sociology one) hands out a three page article, asked the class to read it silently to themselves and then we would discuss. Now, first problem RIGHT THERE for someone with Auditory Processing disorder is we can't concentrate in a setting where people are turning papers and whispering and so on. Another thing I notice about myself(not sure if it completly relates to apd but i've been told it do) is it takes me forever to comprehend reading things(I know I say this a lot but its true) and so therefore I need complete silence(as previously mentioned) and to be able to read it a few times over again and digest it. However, the prof gave us 5 mins and said OK looks like most of the class is close to being finished lets discuss now. Of course, me not having a clue what I had just read at all started to get a little nervous. Anyways, before I know it the prof is looking at me saying 'what did you think' and I look at her and say um i'm not sure and then she glares at me with this mean look on her face and mumbles something under her breathe and then says can someone who understood it explain. I felt so belittled and stupid and out of place that I just wanted to get right back up and leave.

The sad thing about people putting us down, is when we have enough people saying it, or our self confidence is low enough(especially hearing it from an authority well educated person like a prof) tells you this the you start to believe it's your fault, which is what happened to me. After class I felt like utter crap I was also really starting to believe it was my fault that I wasn't smart enough to be here and that its my fault for not being good enough to understand a silly little article. Well, I was wrong!

The next day, I went to my tutor who I meet with for a few hours a week(one of the accomidations and services I get) and explained my situation. She told me that it was terrible and so far from being my fault. It eventually brought me to the conclusion that I needed to get out of that class. Even though it was too late for me to add another class and I would be short one class this semester, I knew that I had no other choice. I am currently taking a choir course and that alone, will give me 4 extra credits for the 4 years I am here(one credit per year) and would more than enough cover the 3 credit hours I would have to make up for sociology.

Now, I am able to take music theory and performance which is my passion and love and something I wanted to do but couldn't because of my sociology class conflicting with the only open one. So, after discussing this with my tutor who totally understood and supported me, she went and told the head of student dissablity services who was VERY displeased by the treatement I was recieveing from that professor.

So, she called me into her office the next day(which was today) and took a statement from me and my two friends who witnessed it as a file against the prof. Once we talked about the situation I felt so much better. She told me that I am far from stupid. She has seen many kids come through her doors and she has tutored many and she knows which ones are going to try and work hard and which ones are going to do nothing and she knows I am one of the good ones. She also said that because I have to work so much harder then the normal average person in many ways that makes me smarter than the rest because I got to university...and you know what...she was right!

After I left her office this morning after already feeling much better, I went to my first class which was my english lit prof Andrew Titus who is AMAZING! He is always encouraging us to never give up and when I brought him my disablity form, the first thing he said to me was, your not stupid and don't let anyone person tell you differently. Then, my next class of the day was math class and I HATE math class because my proffessor hardly speaks english and I can't understand not to mention math is hard enough as it is.. anyways.. I worked hard, I asked a friend of mine who is majoring in math to help me, and it payed off!... I got a 97%!:) I was so estatic that as soon as I got out of class I went straight to student services to tell the lady there how I did and her response was "With Math!? Really!? I am so proud of you! If I had a wall of stars I would so put you up there! Then, after this, I came home to discover later on tonight that I had one the election and was voted into my residence house comittee as floor rep in my house.

So, all and all, I learned what my english prof, and what I learned from my tutor and student services rep that I am smart, and sometimes being smart means to make the logical decision of getting out while you still can. Not because your giving up, but because you know it will only hurt you in the end(or something like that). Although I felt really bad dropping the class(sociology) because I felt like I was giving in and I NEVER do that, I learned that by me staying in that class I would have stressed over it more than neccessairy and my other courses would have suffered drastically. So, now, I am happy and I feel confident that I am going to do well and pull through:)

Again, thanks so much to my readers I really enjoy seeing my numbers going up because I love knowing that people are researching it and looking into it. I also love hearing your stories, Many of you have no idea how much your comments of just simply saying that I helped you understand your child or I gave your child hope, or gave hope to you yourself, you have no idea how wonderful that makes me feel so from the bottom of my heart thank-you for sharing that with me!

Also, any questions/comments/concernes whatever please feel free to email me at robynlisa23@gmail.com or just leave me a note on my comments:)

-apdteen23

The Up's and Down's To Having C.A.P.D - My Journey

2011-09-26T22:41:00.002-02:30

So, as I mentioned before, back in grade 8 I wrote an essay for my guidance counselor about my APD and basically gave my life experiences with my struggles and how I got to where I am. Well, my dad went up to my high school to get it from my guidance counselor so I thought I would post:) Hope you enjoy and I hope it helps!

In school I started with a bad behavior. I would get frustrated with my teachers and my mom and my dad worked a lot so my mom was the one I had to let it all out too. If I was quiet in class that meant I was daydreaming because I had no interest in learning at all.

As I got older I had to get into the habits of studying all the time doing homework and assignments. Most of the time I would tell my mom I had no homework just so I could go out and play and go to school with uncompleted homework. All these things just seemed like laziness to my parents and it never occurred to them that my ways of learning was a little different.

Homework and Assignments were a struggle and I didn't want a thing to do with either one of them. I would come home yelling or crying depending on how I felt that day. I would just let my grades slide and forget about it and this was because I had gotten so stressed that I didn't care.

Then all these bad report grades and remarks started to worry my mom and seeing in a magazine about ADD and my attitude made it occur to her that this could be my problem. So with out over thinking my mom called her Psychiatrist Mr. Denis Manual to discuss what could be wrong with me. He sent my mom to the councilor at my school Mrs. A.M. Dalley. Now I knew her from being one of my classmates mom and the lady that talked about bullying but when she first started testing me it never occurred to me that there was such a thing as having a Learning Difference. I had to see doctors and phytologist before they could diagnosed me with a learning difference called C.A.P.D.

Having C.A.P.D wasn't a good thing, Bu knowing that is why I had so much trouble with everything was good. I often asked “Why me? Why cant I be smart and not need help and have to be different,” But the journey sure did clean up. I got a lot of support from teachers and my parents were more understanding and I even knew where to go if I ever needed someone to talk to about being a bit different than the rest of the people in my class. Yes there is people in my class that have worse learning difference than me, But I still have a difference that makes me special.

I remember starting grade 6, It was a whole new fresh start for me to go in full gear. I still found school hard but hat was when I started to give it my all. I was very upset at the end of grade 6 though. They put a sound system in my class room. Apparently with C.A.P.D you have trouble hearing things correctly so they gave me a sound system to spread the sound and to double it. It was really embarrassing and annoying because most times it wouldn't work but It became a part of me after a while.. I guess..

Then in grade 7 it was a big change from little elementary school. It was a bigger school with different teachers all the time and it was really strange. As well it involved a lot more work. You had lots of assignments and homework test and even finals and midterms. I hated those and they got me so frustrated. I started to like high school because I got to go out and get help for test which was 10X's better than being in a classroom and being lost in every thought and studying so hard and then by morning you information was gone. As well I also found taking notes really hard and for some choruses we had mostly all note taking, but because I started high school know I had a Learning Difference my teachers were kind and did things for me to make sure I got my notes and stayed behind with me if I ever needed it. I also always found my memory bad and that is a big struggle I could be told something and forget what was said the next hour. It was hard for me to remember facts and different things and knowing things for test but I put a lot of effort into my work and never gave up. I also always found math hard although the biggest help of all was when I got to high school I got a touter and at the end of the year a really nice lady came in and took me and another girl to do math so we weren't in the class and stayed after school with me once a week. I got a lot of help and it really payed off.

When I started grade 8 I was all excited going back to school and starting fresh from the summer and hoping it would be just like grade 7. I was wrong, my grades were pretty bad in grade 7 and they got even worse in grade 8 what I have did so far. Another thing I have a lot of trouble is grammar in languages. I have trouble doing English assignments because I have very poor grammar and I also have trouble doing things like knowing when to use accents and different things in french. French would have to be the worst in liking. I can have basic conversation with someone but looking at it on paper and knowing how to translate beats me. A lot of things don't come easy for me but I have a determined mind and I will work until I get it right. I was failing math. Although I still have a touter and I had a lot of help from my math teacher I was still failing. I felt why me and why does all this have to happen to me. I felt so pointless and stupid. Many times some of the kids would say stuff about my math difference and so I would crack jokes and laugh with them instead of getting sensitive and wanting to cry. I even tried for a while being quiet in math not raising my hand(because that is when they would say stuff was when I was very confused) I would try and do it all on my own and do my homework like a normal girl, But it didn't work. Without asking for help I got every single problem wrong I was lost in class and I felt pointless in there, So I decided that I don't care what the other kids say, if I need help I am going to get it and if they want to make fun go right ahead I am not going to let it bother me and I will ignore them.

As for my future I am not going to let my LD get in the way. I want to be successful with my music and raise a family. I want to be the next Canadian Idol and I if that isn't what I thought I am going to go back to school and become a music professor and be as successful as I can. I know that with my music listening to music being clapped and then having to write it down, I know that it's going to be a challenge, But a challenge that I am willing to take. Many people may still not understand my LD or why I have it, But I know that my LD makes me who I am and with hard effort and a possitive attitude I know I will be another person that had LD and has a great Success.

Keep Holding On.

2011-09-20T01:23:00.002-02:30

So, tonight I decided to talk about emotions and the stress that comes with this learning disablity. Yes, everyone gets stressed from time to time, and yes, many teens especially experience hormones that cause them to over think and freak over things, however, a lot of the times hormones isn't the answer.

For many parents, it is so easy to blame the fact that their child/teen is acting out and stressing to the point of meltdowns, or simply not wanting to do work at all, on their horomones but as I said thats is usually not the case especially when a learning disablity is envolved. Many people don't understand the extra added frustrations of learning something because even though this particular learning disoder is labled as auditory processing, it is still often overlapped into other areas of difficulty. For instance, like I have mentioned before in my case I struggle with reading comprehension, and i'll tell ya, since I got here to university, it has made it so much clearer to me how much I do actually struggle! Another thing is articulating into spoken words why I don't understand something or trying to get everything out that I need to say. Sometimes when I am speaking, unless I prepare it ahead, I often get nervous that I won't make sense or that I will forget an important aspect and so I will stutter and repeat myself in a conversation and it often sounds like a guilty lying person.

Just last friday, I attended a seminar lecture here at my university, and a lady came in and lectured about depression and she is a published author who battled depression for about 9 plus years. Although this blog isn't about depression, it is sometimes an issue that people need to be aware of when learning disorders are present. This is because the feelings of not feeling smart, or feeling like your beneth everyone else around you because your some how not as good as them because your a little slower, often times can tigger majour self esteem issues, and in more severe cases can lead to depression. Personally in my case, I have had a lot of issues with self esteem and to this day I believe I have issues with depression and anxiety. This is because, although I am in a new place, at a university I love with supportive people, the new academic life is very overwhelming and stressful. So, if you are a parent of a child with apd, or even a teen with apd, or an outside relation who knows someone with apd, make sure you keep up with your child. Sometimes its even a good idea to get your child to speak with an outside party, an adult they can trust to work on any issues they may be having because kids with learning disablities are more likley to struggle emotionally.

I know in many of my blogs I have discussed how things get better and how this learning disablity can make you stronger, which indeed is true, however, being a teenager, a kid, or even an adult living with this disablity can often times bring you down and make things like that very hard to believe. Sometimes it seems like accomplishment is so far away even if you have expereinced it and you have people telling you that you can do it, often times, the voices telling you that you can't, are SO much louder.

So, in saying all this, I know I rambled a bit tonight, however, I just want to say that even though we need support academically, we also need it emotionally too, sometimes even more so. The fact of the matter is, everyone struggles with self esteem every now and then, and having a learning disablity, deffintly dosen't help because even though we are smart and we are not useless, it is sometimes very hard to believe it, and most importantly, believe in ourselves.

-apdteen23

It's all about the climb...

2011-09-14T00:32:00.001-02:30

So, for my university journalism class, I was asked to write a paper about myself so the prof could get to know his students and see our writing styles. I took this as an oppertunity to get my learning disablity out on the table and explain to my prof the difficulties of it and so I figured I would post the essay here for you all to read, and the good news, I recieved an 85 on it:) So the next time any of you apders are feeling down and useless, remember you can do it. Yes, it may take a little longer and hard work and dedication(which can get annoying watching others get it so easily) but it can be done, you just have to keep believeing in yourself!

For many people writing this essay, they will talk about a hobby they love, a wonderful experience they had, or a activity that they enjoy. However, in my essay I would like to discuss an aspect of my life that often makes me frustrated and tears me down, yet in the long run, has made me so much stronger.

Auditory Processing Disorder is a learning disability which affects many people, one of them being me. The sad thing is, it's not that well known by others, and the ones that do know about it, often mistake it as a fancy way of saying someone has 'hearing issues' which isn't the case. Some people have better described it as “dyslexia to the ears”, this is because its not that we don't hear it, its that it has difficulty being processed by the brain. Even though its labeled as a learning disability, it doesn’t only affect learning. For instance, when I am at a concert or just out with friends in a social setting, and there is other distractions around when someone is trying to talk to me, its hard to focus on one person, the other distractions often get in the way. There are also other times when I will be sitting around in a quieter setting talking to friends, classmates, or whomever and they will crack a joke or say something sarcastic and it will take me just that extra little bit of time to process it and because of this my reaction will be a bit delayed.

As I previously mentioned, this learning disability makes even the simplest things like hanging out with friends just a little more difficult. However, it doesn’t define me. Yes, it may restrict me and may force me to work harder, which can get very frustrating, however, in those situations I use my escape, my music. Singing is a hobby of mine that helps me cope when I am feeling stressed about school work or just life in general. Not only does my music allow me to relieve stress, but it gives me a feeling of reassurance that i'm not worthless, and that I do have talents and abilities.

Although learning is a challenge for me, I do enjoy experiencing and learning new things. The reason being is when I do eventually get to the point where something clicks and makes sense, it makes me feel smart, and often enough having a learning disability can make you feel like your not smart. So, because I have a strong passion for helping others, and a love for learning no matter how difficult it gets I have come to the conclusion that after I finish my liberal arts degree I would like to become a teacher. I hope to be able to help other kids reach their full potential because I feel like in so many cases the reasons kids fall under the cracks and have difficulty, is because no one seems to believe in them. As of now, I would love to be a teacher at the elementary level because I think early recognition of any learning issue, whether its a disability or not is crucial at that stage so they can ajust and learn skills to help them. I also hope to help spread awareness and educate people in early detection of not just the learning disability I live with, but other ones as well. These reasons above, also tie into why I have decided to take this journalism class. Not only is it because I love writing and I want to better my skills in this area, its also because journalism is a wonderful way of learning to spread information and thats what I hope to do with my knowledge of learning differences, because it seems to me thats the biggest issue, is not that people don't care, its that they don't have enough knowledge in the area.

All and all, there are many things in our lives that make up who we are, some aspects become more dominant than others but thats just what makes us all special in our own way. Yes, I have to live with a disability that often times holds me back and makes me feel so far behind my classmates and friends, however, having people in your life that care about you, and are willing to help and be patient makes all the difference. It makes having this challenge so much easier. Along with that, I believe that I was given this issue, so I could help others understand and hopefully make learning easier for other kids going up through the educational system, and maybe even help prevent some kids from falling through the cracks.

-apdteen23

The Journey Starts Here - An update from the University Student

2011-09-06T00:51:00.000-02:30

Hello to my readers:)
I just wanted to write a quick blog to let you all know that I am still alive(lol) and that I will be updating again soon, I have tons of new ideas, the issue is finding time to think one out and write it(because it does take a nice amount of time). I have just moved into University this past Saturday and have been so busy with getting things ready, traveling, and so much more! For those of you who don't have me on facebook I just want you all to know that I am having the time of my life here in university. I have been meeting WONDERFUL friends so far and the core four has finally united which has been amazing! I will admit I am very nervous for classes to start because its becoming more and more real of how much reading and assignments and new things I will have to do that I have never done before, however, I am also very excited at the same time because its finally classes that I have chosen and stuff that I LOVE so I am really looking forward to it! I have also seen the classrooms and they are so small and so far the one prof I have met is so nice and very understanding and so I am hoping he is going to be good with approaching for extra help. Also, I am meeting with the student aid office tomorrow morning to go over my supports and stuff so when I find that stuff out, I will fill you all in and maybe give you some idea's as to what you all may be wanting for your children.

Again, I am sorry my blog is so short but things have been so hectic however I am hoping once classes start and things settle down I will be able to post at least once or twice a week:)

-apdteen23

“I don’t need easy. I just need possible.”

2011-08-16T10:40:00.001-02:30

The quote I used tonight is one from the new movie "Soul Surfer" which is my new favourite movie and one of the most inspirational ones I have seen in a long time. Anyways, I decided to use this quote for tonight's blog because tonight I am going to discuss school supports and which ones I personally found helpful towards my academic success so I hope this helps. Because as the title says, I have apd so I know its not going to be easy, however I just need to know that its possible!

So, below here I am going to list a supports that I have recieved that I found useful and I will explain why because I figure with back to school now many parents reading this may be trying to get IEP's or some kind of plan for their child so here it is!

1. Time is of the essence
-> For someone like me who has APD it takes longer for our brains to process and think things out, no matter if its oral or not . So, for me, it is very bennifiial to have extra time to do test, and to be given enough notice on an assisgnemt or test prior to the due date. However, extra time can sometimes not be a help at all. Why you ask? Well, in some cases, I know with myself after so long I just get so frusterated and overwhelmed by it that the extra time just makes me more angry and anxious. So, my advice to you is to first try and get shorter things like if the homework assigned was say questions 1-15 in a math work book, ask that the teacher assign only every second one for them to complete(this was done for me in Jr. High for math and was very helpful because even half the load took me longer than the full load for someone else).

2. One thing at a time:
-> Personally, I find that I am TERRIBLE at multitasking. It is so hard to concentrate on more than one thing at a time, so, my suggestion for this in the class room would be giving the child the option of getting their notes from another student. This way, they are able to use all energy on listening and watching the teachers instructions. This method was quite helpful to me because as I said it made me able to focus on JUST the teacher and not have to worry about being behind in class. It also helped in the way that when I got them copied from the other student and brought them home, I would use copying them over into my own writing as studying because when I write things down they sink a little better.

3. Peace, Quiet, and Comfort
-> In my experiences, especially in test taking, I have found a quiet enviroment very helpful as long as I had a teacher there with me helping me understand and such a long the way. Also, just having someone there helps because to me, a silent room all to myself is more distracting then a class room. I haven't really understood why yet however other kids with APD may rather a room all to themselves. Even though a set of people may have APD, dosen't mean they all need the same things.

4.Can you run that by me again? Could you say that in a different way?
-> One of my bigest issues is comprehending; and not just verbal but written as well as I have mentioned in one of my previous post 'It Goes Beyond the Ear". So, in coping with these difficulties, especially the reading comprehension I often have to ask for a teacher or a friend to paraphrase it for me or summerize it a bit smaller so I can get the 'main idea' if the piece of writing is too long or overwhelming. However, this year, where I live we have to write finals called public exams which is basically your regular final only a)its made up by another teacher besides your own and no teacher is ever allowed to see it, not even after. b) its done on the full course which here is the content from september to june because our courses aren't semesterized. and c) they make it a ton harder to understand because every question pretty much its applying your knowledge and they use words that will throw you off and trick you. However, I have much difficulty with regular wording most times and my vocablairy isnt exactly huge by any means so these exams were even harder and unfortunatly for me, because they were 'publics' and suppose to be hard I wasnt allowed to get them paraphrased by a teacher and my teacher wasnt allowed anywhere near the exams and you couldn't ask him questions. All and all, I am saying that if your child has trouble with reading comprehnsion like me and they are small either a) work on it as they grow up so they are better at it at my age or b) put it in their IEP and make sure they will be allowed to have that service when they are older.

5. Is this volume ok?
-> One majour support that many people reccomend is a FM sound field system. Personally, I can only share that yes I have had one, but it hasn't helped me much at all. However, mainly it was because the kids at school were annoyed with it and where it such a small school and everyone is always in the same class, the teachers always singled me out and asked me questions about it all the time and I really didn't like that. I was about 13 or 14 at the time so you can imagine what a teenager at that age would feel like or think let alone having to use something that annoyed everyone else. But, in saying that, I still do reccomend it for kids with apd. No, its not critical because I mannaged to get through without it mainly because I was stubborn and didnt want anything to do with it so I had to work even HARDER in class and staying behind all the time. So, if you can get one for your child I do reccomend it. Also, you need to be sure the one the school has(this may seem like a bit of common sense but when I had it we had this issue and no one fixed it) dosen't give off static because thats worse than the teacher not having it at all.

6. Agenda's are your best friend:
-> Keeping any child organized is a very important life skill to learn, however, when the child has apd like me, organization can save so much trouble in the future. The reason for this is because when your kids get older there isn't much the teachers are going to do in terms of reminding them to write down the homework and such. For instance at my old school they have a school website but they don't explain on there what you have to do with the homework they just say like pages x-x in said book. So, when they are in high school being in the habbit of writing in an agenda will be very helpful. So, if you have smaller kids try and get them into a routine of writing in it everyday, even saturday they can write their chores or things they have to do that day, this way they stay on task. One thing you can also try is if they are younger you can ask in the IEP if the teacher can mark down instructions for them for the first year and each month as the school year goes on try and get the teacher less and less involved, or even go every year gradually try and get them independant in that task.

7. Patience is a virtue:
-> A huge thing you need to ask the teachers for, is patience. Many teachers don't realize they have very low tolerance levels until they have to deal with a child who learns a little differently then 'by the book' or by the 'normal'. So, asking them to give your child with apd patience can help a ton. Yes having apd is still frustrating and I often loose my patience with myself, however, what got me through was the patience my teachers had when I didn't understand as well as their constant reassuance that they believed in me so this is very important. Not only at school, but at home from their parents as well.

Anyway, I truly hope this blog helped you parents, or even people out there who are in school and have apd. Getting supports is tricky, but finding the right ones for your child can sometimes be tricker depending on the situation and how well the assesments done has been able to look at your child's ablities. So I wish you all the best in the new school year and again if you have any further questions or comments please feel free to leave them on my blog or on the facebook group or you can email me at robynlisa23@gmail.com

-apdteen23

Finding my place in this world...the 'core four'

2011-08-15T02:10:00.000-02:30

Have you ever been blessed to meet people who totally understand you for you, take the patience and time to listen to you, and always be there for you no matter what? Well, for anyone, finding a friend that loyal and that trusting is a hard task, let alone being a person living with apd.

For those of you not living with apd, you may think it seems like I am being over dramatic about how much apd affects a person in daily life, but it really does affect that much! It dosen't affect just the learning setting as I have said so many times before, it affects many things and to a young girl trying to find her way in the world, it feels like it affects EVERYTHING!

Well, because having apd can cause social issues, trouble following conversations, being slow to understand things like jokes or directions or a story, and feeling 'behind;' your classmates; it often makes it hard to make friends and to feel included, especially in high school. APD is something that is complicated to an adult, let alone trying to explain it to your peers. Fortunatly for me, I have mannaged to find some wonderful friends that are trying so hard to understand and even when they don't they remain supportive and caring.

Megan, Krissy, and Becca and three girls that have become more like sisterly bffs in just a short period of time and even though I haven't even met in person yet, I have been able to connect with them through skype, facebook, texting, and phone calls, I feel like I have an instant set of friends, a core four! These three girls are attending university with me in the fall and because of the small campus the school has created a group on facebook where we can meet other prospective students and honestly, this university, has saved my life! Because of my meeting these three girls, I have been able to better accept myself, they have been a constast support and all three have been jumping in with open arms and always reminding me how good of a person I am, and telling me they have my back and that they will be there to help me(since we all pretty much have the same schedule) with my school work when I need it! They have truly been a blessing to me and having them at my side, makes the transition to university all that much easier! So, from the only blonde in the clan, I want to say thank-you for being there and for being the bestest friends I have had in a long time!

-apdteen23

I Was Here!♫

2011-08-13T23:04:00.000-02:30

For this particular post I wanted to talk about how yesterday, marked my one month mark of when I started my blog. I have enjoyed blogging for everyone and helping my readers understand and bring clarity. I also want to say, that you readers have helped me so much in accepting myself and learning. It means the world to me to know that by me writing this blog is helping so many people! It helps me so much when I read a comment or get an email saying that they finally understand their child more through my writing, or their child now feels special because I was able to make them feel less alone and unique through my words. So, I know this blog is short and I haven't been writing much laitly but I will be soon. I have started making a new list of ideas in the event of schools now re-opening for the fall season. So, again, thank-you to all my readers, subscribers, and supporters for keeping me going for my first month and hopefully many many months to come:)

Also, there is a song, in which this title was inspired. Its a song I heard a while back and I was showing to Lindsey and she said she couldn't get over home much that song related to me, and its very true, I do hope I can mark my place and do something to make this world a better place.

here is a link to the song if anyone would like to listen:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koRUgTNJdLs

-apdteen23

On the outside looking in...

2011-08-10T03:42:00.001-02:30

Tonight, I posted a request for some new idea's on the account of, I was starting to run out of them...when luckily I got a wonderful idea from one of the mom's in our facebook group:)

So, tonight's topic is Bullying and it's affect on someone with APD. While I already did a post on self esteem, it was mainly just that, how someone with apd views themselves, however, because someone like me with this learning dissablity often has trouble beyond the common learning setting, and even the learning setting itself, bullying is often not far behind.

I felt like I won the lottery, but that only lasted an instant:
-> In my situation, it wasn't your traditional bullying. There was only one time really that stands out to me as your traditional teasing and that was back in the 5th grade. I was involved in this after school intermural sports thing and I remember this particular day we were playing basketball and I finally got the ball! Me, not being that athletic, was so proud that I mannaged to get the ball away from someone on the other team and realized I was so close to the net so I tried to score, and I got it in! I was so happy and proud and thought finally I was good at something and for a second felt special, this was until I realized my team mates were giving me weird looks and were mad while the other team was thanking me. I was so confussed until a boy came up to me from my team and said "Robyn, gees how stupid could you be you just scored in the other teams net, way to go there(or something along those lines, it was a while ago so I don't remember the details)'. Anyways, the next day I refussed to go to school! My mom came to wake me up and I wouldn't even get out from under the covers I was so ashamed and knew I could never show my face at school again. At this time I think I was still doing IQ test with the school and I never had a confirmed diagnosis. Anyway, my mom then immediatly called the school for the school counselor, however she was working at the high school, so my mom called there and agreed to meet us at the school and between the two of them(with her on the phone) they somehow convinced me to go. That day stands out to me because that was the day I completly gave trust to my guidance counselor and was comfortable going to her for everything. She switched her schedule and came to my school and spent the whole morning just talking to me in her office and that made me feel better and then when I had music class(I think it was the last period before lunch) I left because music was my favourite and by this time I was feeling better about the bully situation.

I wouldn't do that again if you paid me:
-> As I said before, thats really the only experience I can remember that was your 'typical' bully scenario, I mean yes I had kids pick on me like saying things like 'oh robyn your so slow, your so stupid, or the most common, so blonde. However, most of my high school experience was with what WASN'T said versus what was said. Because of my apd I find it hard to follow conversations and I always felt (as I explained in another blog) inside a bubble, like I was totally disconnected from them, on the outside looking in. To this day I stil feel like that when there is a big crowd which is why I am not a huge van of big parties I would rather smaller gatherings. And high school for me, was a everyday living of big gatherings. Whether it would be a big group of girls chatting at reccess or a class conversation I have to work so hard to keep up and follow which can hurt. One thing Angela said to me in her response(which you can read in the blog previous to this one) is I wouldn't live my high school years over if you paid me a million dolars and I feel exactly the same way! High school was deffinitly no picnic for me! However, I do look forward to my years ahead because from what I am told, it does get easier, and as your get older the people around you often become more understanding and I have already been blessed with some pretty wonderful, and understanding friends!

A fresh start to the rest of my life:
-> Since I start university in the fall, I have made it my goal to get to know people now, before I go. This way, they can meet me online first because I find communicating by typing is often easiest. Also, I find im often a little awkward at first meeting someone in person for the first time and it takes me a while to warm up to someone. Fortunatly,I am not all that worried. Through facebook I have met so many people already! I have already made three really close friends, one of them being my room mate, and all three are already like sisters to me. So, in this new found friendship, even with other friends I have made along the way, I have been totally open about my APD, and to be honest it takes a load off. Now, they know when i don't get a joke, or when I am confussed and am saying things like what and huh all the time, its not my fault and I have mannaged to find some pretty understanding friends!

I don't wanna hide it anymore:
-> I devoted my WHOLE high school career to trying to achieve 'normal' when what I failed to realize is my APD, its normal for ME! Yes its stressful and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but its a part of me like my nose and eyes are. Its just a weakness I have, that makes me have to work a lot harder that your so called 'normal' person, but honestly, knowing I am able to help so many people and knowing that so many kids with APD have began to understand who they are and that people are getting it, makes it all worth it! It finally makes me feel like I have been given a purpose so why hide it?

-apdteen23

Why is it called AUDITORY processing disorder, if there is more to it then the AUDITORY aspects?

2011-08-08T19:36:00.011-02:30

-> I decided to do this blog next because this question in my title was one a friend of mine asked me when I tried to explain my troubles with APD to her, and so in doing some research, I finally came across and answer to that question and a few others.

Last night, I came across a youtube channel called the AudProNetwork where a licenced Audiologist named Angela Loucks gave a presentation about Auditory Processing Disorder. One thing that makes Angela a bit more 'educated' in this area is the fact that not only does she have medical degrees and background, she too lives with Auditory Processing Disorder.

So, after watching her presentation, I saw that her email was listed at the end so, I decided to rewatch, this time taking notes and pausing along the way when I thought of questions I could ask her. Last night I sent the email, and this morining, to my suprise I had a response back! So, instead of decribing it to you, I will copy and paste the email here so you can all read it! I appologize for the length of it but I asked many questions, but I hope if you take the time to read it you may learn something new as I did:)

Hope this helps:)

Angela's Response is in the greenish color.

Hi Robyn
You've caught me at a busy time... I'm getting married in a month, moving in 4 months, and school will be in session again next week:) Forgive my limited response at this time. I completely understand where you are coming from and I've been there myself. I'm happy to hear that your blog is going so well! Go girl!
Angela

-> My name is Robyn Young and I live in Canada. I am a 17(almost 18) year old teenager with Auditory Processing Disorder. I was diagnosed back at the age of 12 but honestly I feel as if this year is the first year I was diagnosed. I say that because before this year I was told that APD was all hearing and that if I was given a sound field system at school, a front seat and a quiet private enviroment for test I would be fine. Well, here where I live APD is very low profile and isn't well known(although as far as I can see it isn't really well known anywhere only by the people who are affected by it) so for many years, because I had so many more problems then just 'hearing' I felt completly stupid and for a while completly gave up to the point where I wanted to kill myself. I didn't fit in, and I always felt alone and stupid! So then, I decided to try and ignore it. I tried to completly forget I had the issue and work crazy hard and study all the time and I thought I could somehow make myself smarter, but boy was I ever wrong. So, finally, this year, I decided enough was enough and I started doing some research and while doing that I came accross a few facebook groups about auditory processing disorder and other people who have kids, or have apd themselves so I joined. This was about 10 months ago I joined and since then I have started my own group for teens with APD and I have started my own blog just a little under a month ago and I have already gotten close to 1,000 views which I was so amazed at! So, I have made it my goal to try and understand myself better and to try and understand this disorder better. I have also decided that in college I want to study to be a school teacher! Although learning is a huge stress for me, I love it! I guess sometimes the things we love are often stressful because we care about them so much! I want to help not only kids with apd, but other LD's get early detection because there are so many kids that are slipping through the cracks and its so sad!That's great!

->Anyways, the reason I am writing this email mainly is because even though this year has opened my eyes I still have many many questions that I don't quite understand about myself and things I notice that I don't know whether they are APD related or not, and I recently saw your presentation on APD and thought you would be best to ask. I know your probably busy and I am terribly sorry if I am bothering you in anyway, I don't expect a quick reply but I thought I would write out some questions I have hoping to get an answer! Firstly, actually, a lot of my questions deal with this. I am wondering about the 4 sub-type categories you look for. Is it common that a person shows all signs of four subtypes and would that make the case more severe? It is quite rare for a person to display all four types, and when they do, yes, it often means that the issue is more severe I am working with 2 adults, currently, who have all 4 types. They have extreme difficulties with APD in everyday life. Things ARE improving for them, though.

->I know for me my biggest I would say is probably memory as I have more trouble with the things you listed however I do have troubles with the other ones as well. Its like I have bits and pieces of each one. For instance, organization, I have mannaged to become quite good at but trust me it isn't easy(but I guess you know that). Like I have to keep up with daily routines of writing everything in an agenda and having everything in certain places and if I let things slide just a little I can VERY easily get overwhelmed with it all and not have any idea how to get back to normal.  Great!
->Another question I have, which is actually I have wondered for some time but when I was telling a friend of mine recenently about my troubles she responded with "how do you have troubles with that if its called AUDITORY processing disorder". What we were talking about what reading comprehension. I think this difficulty has to be one of my major ones. When things are to long I tend to get overwhelmed and I find myself having to re-read things over and over and sometimes no matter how many times I do that it dosen't stick. Like for me, one of my major issues in english class is when we are given an unseen story or poem and we have to answer questions on them. However I don't really understand how this would have anything to do with auditory processing when my auditory system isn't used in this scenario?When we read to ourselves, we are using the same language reception area of our brain to "digest" the information. If the issue is occurring here, it can affect both hearing and reading comprehension.

->Also, I was wondering if you have any tips for teens who deal with high levels of anxiety and frustration? I know for me I so very easily get overwhelmed and frustrated over things that seem so simple and stupid to everyone else but to me they are like mountains. I guess for me its because I am so use to getting things wrong that the little things become the big things. For instance when I am doing a question and I read it over and over and don't get it, or if someone is saying something to me and it don't make sense I seem to have a lot of trouble keeping my emotions in and staying calm. I try very hard to but it tends to get right under my skin and bothers me a ton.  First, I should say that I wouldn't go back to my teenage years if someone gave me a million dollars. I can only promise you that life, in this regard, gets better as you get older. It can be very frustrating when you are miscommunicating with others- I completely understand. I would ask a person to slow down or find ways to ask people to repeat that tells them that you are interested in what they have to say, just need another time of hearing it

->I was also wondering, is it common for people with APD to have difficulties with math? Like do kids ever have problems with reversals of numbers like if they were give 56x + 779x = 88x, they would instead write 56x + 797x = 88x or if they would switch a plus to a negative? I tend to do this a lot and for me after I have done a math probelm because it takes me so long to do it I get exsausted so when I check it over I often don't notice the very clear simple mistakes that ive made until after I get it back. I have been tested for other things and it seems that I don't show any math related disorders or any signs of dyslexia however I do still have these issues and I was wondering if they would be relatable to my APD?Have you looked up dyscalculia? Perhaps this is what you are referring to as not having math related disorders... I would say that number reversals are consistent with ORG difficulty of APD. I don't see people switching positive for negatives as often, but that could be that the populations I deal with are often 3-10 years old and over 40 years. Neither age group seems to care about algebra

->Another thing I was wondering about would be interegation? I watched your video on it but I still don't quite understand what it means. Like, I know you said it's common with directions so I was wondering if say for example the fact that when I first learned to drive, even weeks after I have been driving(good thing my parents took me to very very deserted roads or I probably would have had myself killed or someone elese by now) that I would go to the wrong side of the road after pulling out of a driveway? Like I couldn't grasp how to tell which side was the right side to drive on that was a hard lesson for me to grasp. Also, would the fact that I have issues with left and right along with telling North, south, east and west have anything to do with that either? Yes, I think these could be signs of INT. Have you ever looked into Visual Processing Disorder? I'm going to a conference on Friday about it. Can't wait to hear more about it. Wish I had time to explain more.

->Another issue in which I have trouble with that I was wondering if it crosses over with APD is being able to pronounce new words? Like I am almost 18 years old and I still to this day, when I see a new word, 9 times out of 10 I still pronounce them completly wrong unless they are pronounced EXACTLY how they sound and even then sometimes there is difficulty.  YES! Absolutely

->Also, another difficulty that I have is writing. I mean, I can write neatly, and quite good, however it takes me a LONG time. I can't write fast at all and if I do its not always that legible or even on the lines. Would that in anyway be affected by my APD. Also, I have always had an incorrect pencil grip however, no one pointed this out to me until I was doing an IQ assesment with my guidance counselor at school this year. I never ever knew that my grip was wrong, but apparently it is, and I was wondering if that is in anyway linked??  This would be a sign of possible Integration problem, again. Sensory integration!

->I know I am kinda rambelling here and its like I am asking if every little thing I do is linked to my APD and again I appologize for the lengthy email however, like you mentioned in your video, I am at the stage of my life where I am trying to figure out exactly what this all means and where my strengths and weaknesses are because to me, for years, all I have seen are weaknesses because the thing with APD is, it seems to cross over in EVERYTHING I do from chatting with friends, to doing homework and learning at school, to my music(which I do love, but I have to work 10xs harder to get anywhere with it, which can be discouraging as well

->Again, thanks in advanced for your time and reading my email and I hope to hear back from you! Take care and all the best:)

You are welcome! Good luck! Perhaps you should go for your audiology degree and become a specialist with me

->-apdteen23

Opps my bad...I forgot

2011-08-07T01:23:00.001-02:30

So, tonight I want to talk about the MAJOR frustrations of just simply forgetting things with apd. As well, how the forgetful little things can make the ones around us very annoyed and frusterated which in turn can make us feel quite stupid!

I'm having a 'dory' moment:
-> So, I hope everyone is familuar with the Finding Nemo story and the forgetful fish named Dory? Well, my dear friend Lindsey inspired this title and she is so right! Like Dory, I too often forget things like that. Maybe not as severe as the way Dory acts, however. there are times when I could be talking about something, and if someone interupts me, I COMPLETLY forget what I was JUST doing or talking about. For example, the other day I was talking to my mom about something and she was driving somewhere and she interupted me to ask me a question about where she was going and after I answered her she said so what was it you were saying, and I couldn't remember at all!

It's not just the game:
-> So, for you apders reading this, have you ever played a memory game, like where you have to find pairs with a wack of cards spread out faced down? Well, if you have and your anything like me, your probably not a huge fan of them! They can be so frustrating and difficult for someone with apd because there are so many cards and they are flipped over so fast its very difficult to remember which ones are were. It gets especially hard when they have to be switched around again or even just moved over or up to a different spot. However, this also applies to everyday life as well. For instance, I leave my work key on a small table by the door, this way I ALWAYS know where it is. For me, its so difficult for me to remember where I put things and by having a spot for everything makes it easier to remember, however, when things are moved from there place it can cause me much distress. Example; my mom saw my key on the table there one day and just out of tidyness moved it and put it on the key rack however it made me very stressed when I went to leave for work and the key wasn't there. So now my mom knows to respect where I have things placed and if they are in her way then she needs to let me know about it, because for someone like me, getting into the swing of putting something in a new place isn't easy at all!

Auditory memory isn't the only thing affected!
-> When I am studying for test for school, it takes me weeks and weeks to remember concepts. I have to keep up with my daily work and I do it by writing over my notes and then reading them over every night. This, however, can get very hard and time demanding especially when you have 7 courses all year and atleast 5 of them are very demanding. It can become quite overwhelming and usually means I am in my room doing school work from the time I get home, from the time I go to bed with just an hour in between for supper, and while that may not sound too bad, as I mentioned before, for someone like me with apd, after spending the whole day in school is quite exsausting and tireing so to come home and do more and more hours of work is very overwhelming.

Thanks for reading and I hope you are all enjoying my blog. Also, feel free to comment I love seeing comments and if you have any questions I would deffintily try and answer to the best of my knowledge:)

-apdteen23

Ok can you please get to the point.. I don't have all day!!

2011-08-06T01:23:00.001-02:30

Looking at my title. do these words ring bells? Has anyone ever said anything to you like"Come on your taking to long please just get the point". Or "Speed it up a bit please I am running late". Well, if you have APD like me, chances are, someone has. Tonight's topic was inspired by a comment that was put on my last post and I the idea to do a post about this never ever occured to me until now.

Why can I never get this out right?

-> Have you ever experienced a time when you just did something totally amazing, or even a while ago, and then you go to tell someone else and then your words and thoughts all get scrambled in your head and you no longer make any sense? Well, If you have, welcome to my world. It gets so frustrating when your trying to tell a story, especially if its a funny story, and you don't want to miss any details because your afraid you will forget something important and your brain is on overload trying to process the story and speak it in order. However, because when this happens I am describing every little detail and random little things that don't matter, or even just rambelling on about something totally erilevant that makes no sense, the person whom I am talking to gets annoyed and bored of my story, which in turn makes me feel stupid and alone.

Ughh the thingy .. umm what's it called?:

-> Ever have this problem? You can picture something, you know in your head what it is, you just can't desribe it or get the words out? Again, if you can, welcome to my life! It is yet another thing about this disorder that can cause sooo much distress! Its like the word is in your brain or on the tip of your tounge and it just won't come out, and most times even writing I get the same way. Some people with APD find it they write it it helps them get the word better but not me. I have TERRIBLE times with word recall. Then, sometimes I am there just rhyming off words that have the same meaning and trying to rephrase what I am saying and then I start making absolutly no sense which gets quite embaressing!

well, I hope this blog, as I hope my other blogs, was an eye opener to anyone who is reading this who doesn't have APD but knows someone who does, and for my readers who struggle with APD or your thinking of getting tested for it I hope this makes you feel a little less alone!

-apdteen23

Hard work really does pay off...sometimes...you just got to have patience

2011-08-05T15:15:00.000-02:30

It is officially official! I am on my way to University in 3 weeks!! I got my notice today saying that my grades checked through and I am off to university! I am feeling so proud and so happy right now and I wanted to share it with you all, because, for all you apders out there, this is proof that we CAN succed just always work hard and do your best and you will succeed! I know sometimes it can be very challenging and you want to just throw in the towel so to speak, and trust me I know all about that feeling I have been there. However, I want you to know, you can succed in life no matter how far away it may seem! Just chose things that make you feel happy, things that make you feel worthy and smart because everyone has something that makes them feel that way, you just have to find it! I know I may sound naieve and a bit 'peppy' (not sure what better words to use..which happens to me a lot) but you can do it, and you will, you just need to belive in yourself and surround yourself in people who believe in you!

I know this blog was a little short but I just wanted to update my readers on this wonderful news but I am going to do another one tonight. Haven't decided my topic yet but I hope you will all come back and read it:)

-apdteen23

One day I will....

2011-08-04T00:47:00.001-02:30

For tonight's blog I wanted to write about feeling stupid, alone, and completly out of place, because today I am having one of those days. Even though I have come a long way, and its getting easier to accept the way I am because of the online support groups i've joined, there are still days that I feel completly useless and so stupid, and today has been one of those days!

I just wanna feel normal!:
-> Why is it that APD is labeled a learning dissablity yet it seems to take over EVERYTHING in my life?? Like, it dosen't just remain with me in the classroom which is bad enough, but it goes with me everywhere! It gets so frustrating and annoying. It's like I constantly feel like im different in a bad way! I know I need to accept this, I am who I am, it's just some days, it is so much easier said than done. It's a constant daily reminder "Robyn, your not stupid, your special in your own way" over and over that I have to do to try and make me stronger, I just hope the more I say it, hopefully I will believe it!

Why do I feel so alone?:
-> When im at a social gathering, or even just simply sitting around with friends or family my apd has its way of following me. For example when im in the middle of a conversation with someone and I just don't know how to respond because my brain isn't comprehending the information as fast as it needs to, and then I have to awkwardly respond with awesome, cool, or oh really, or even just nodding my head; or when im standing around with a group of friends and I have a hard time following their conversation because the speaker is constantly changing and everyone is batting back and forth and I don't even know when I should speak up, and because it takes me that extra bit of time to process and think of a response, someone has already cut in with something to say and by the time I get out what I want to say its no longer relevent. Because of this, I always feel out of place whether im at school, a party or just gathering with a few friends.

Why must I feel so tired and overwhelmed all the time?:
-> Pretty much everyday of my life, no matter what im doing whether im at school, at home, or at work, I get so overwhelmed so easily, and with that soon comes stress and frustration, and then exsaustion! For example, one thing I have mannaged is organization. I am pretty good at keeping things organized, however, I have to keep up with it ALL the time little by little, if I were to let things slide to the point where things got really disorganized I would have a hard time! Take this for example, just a few weeks ago at work, I was asked to clean the sunday school office(since I work in the church) and I had to take out EVERYTHING and the whole place was so disorganized the papers were everywhere and I had to sort them and keep them in order and I tell you it was not an easy job and when I would get home from work I would just want to lay down and not move!

The famous 'blank stare':
-> I HATE it when someone ask me a question, especially a teacher at school, and I mis-interpret it or I just plain and simple don't understand it, and then I either don't respond at all or I respond incorrectly or too slowly and then eveyone looks at me and gives me this look of 'why in the world don't she get that'. Sadly, its not only in class when I get that look, sometimes it when I am out with friends and they are telling a joke and I don't understand it at all. They always get so annoyed with me because it hard to explain to my friends. APD is so complex and so unknown and uncertain in so many ways that its so difficult, even for someone who has it to understand and be able to explain!

Bottom line, im scared:
-> I don't admit this too often, but truthfully, im scared! I leave to go off to university in less than a month and although im excited to meet my friends and start new, I am very nervous for the academics of it. So many people say how much harder university is than high school and even though I do work hard and most people say I will do it, I do often doubt myself. I think well, "if its harder than high school and I had to work my butt off to pass that then how will I do university?" or I think "Im not smart enough to do that who was I kidding?". I am scared that once I get there, and people see me and my struggles they will see me differently and won't want to waste their time with me. Its a constant fear I always carry with me that I guess, somehow I will have to get past.

In every cloud there's a silver linning:
-> Although I have days like today, that I feel no good for nothing, there are some days that I feel special and inspired and I am hoping the older I get, the more I learn to accept this, the more days I will have accepting instead of feeling alone. And I would not be getting as close to accepting as I am now if it wasn't for my supporters. Even though I have many people in my life who I feel are alienating me and make me feel like a complete outsider, I do still have people who are there to tear down the wall when I am feeling alone and without them I don't know where I would be. In these past few months I have met some wonderful people, ones who I am going to be going to school with in the fall and I just hope that even after they meet me in person and experience how much patience and understanding they will need with me that they still want to be friends with me! I also have my parents of course who even though get frusterated with me at times, they are stil supportive of me and try their best to understand. Also, there is my apd supporters and without them I would still be completly in the dark about my apd and what it really is so thanks...I just have to take this journey one day at a time!

-apdteen23

Sometimes, we just need a little reminder of how special we are!

2011-08-02T01:16:00.002-02:30

So, early today, I recieved an email, one that made my day so wonderful! A fews weeks ago, while looking on a website about APD created by a mom I have met on our facebook group, I found a link to another girls site. This other girls name Megan Muehlberg. Megan, like me, is a teenager living with Auditory Processing disorder. So, when I discovered her website, I decided to try and get in contact with her and share my experience with APD, and today she responded to my email, and made my day quite a good one! I won't go into Megan's story, but I will share with you the email that I sent her(so you can see a quick glimpse into my story) and her response to what I said. As well, at the bottom I will include a link to Megan's website so you can check out all the wonderful things she has done to help raise awareness for the 'silent dissablity' that we both have to deal with everyday!

From Robyn to Megan:
->Hello Megan,
My Name is Robyn. I am a recent grade 12 graduate from Canada, and I too have APD. I stumbled upon your website just recently and I had to write to you and tell you how amazing I think your work is! Its so wonderful to have people like you who are getting your experience out there and trying to raise awareness! I was diagnosed back when i was in the 6th grade, and I was tested because my parents read an article about ADD and thought I had that, to later find out, it wasn't that at all! I know what you mean about this being a 'silent' dissablity. I am the only one in my school who has it(however it is a very small town) and most people, not even the teachers really, actually understand it. I was always told growing up in the school system that all I needed was a FM system, front row seat in class, and a quiet place to do a test and I would be fine. The school and the doctors made it seem like all was to it was a hearing problem and because when I was diagnosed there weren't many resourses avalible to us about it, we just believed them to be true, however, they were all very wrong. This result had a major impact on my self esteem and I am still trying to build it to this day, but its getting better. The problem with me was, even though they were giving me those few supports, I was still getting bad grades, getting extremly frustrated with my school work and I thought well gee I must just be stupid, and for a while completly gave up trying and become extremly depressed. The fact that i didn't fit in well at school didn't help this either because none of my 'friends' understood my apd, and really, neither did I. I didn't realize that me being 'delayed' in responding to a joke, or not understanding things that were being said to me, etc were apart of my learning dissablity. So, like i said I hid my LD for a while. I refused any services at all and wanted to somehow 'fix' myself from being stupid. However, I came to the realization that enough is enough and I needed help. So, this year, I began researching different things about apd and I wrote an email to my principal, guidance councellor and the special ed teacher and told them my problems and difficulties and so they set me up with more supports, this time, ones that helped me a little better. For instance, they started getting my notes copied for me so I could focus on the teacher and not have to worry about getting everything copied down, they gave me a scribe to help me with my test(I would do the writing because I find it hard to verbally explain myself, but i had a teacher there with me during test, one on one if I needed clarification or assistance- because I have a very hard time with reading comprehension which I was later taught does occur because of my apd), and those sorts of things. Even though I finally came out and tried to get some help, i still have trouble accepting it. Its not easy being slower, and feeling stupid most of the time, however, I have also decided I want to become a teacher! I want to help students like me with apd, and other learning dissablities gain there confidence. i dont want them to have to feel stupid and alone for most of their school careers and most importantly, I want to somehow spread more awareness for apd and teach other, the way you have been, so I can help the next generations of kids with apd have a 'simpler' ride than I did. I have recently started a facebook group called "Teens with Auditory Processing Disorder" for a way for other teens, moms of teens, or moms/people who are soon going to be a teen. I also have started my own blog and started sharing my experiences with apd in the hopes that someone will benifit from it:) Thanks so much for reading my email and I hope to hear from you soon!

Take care and all the best in the 2012 pagent!
-Robyn

From Megan to Robyn::
->Heyy Robyn,
It was great hearing how someone else has the exact same problem. I know it totally sucks having a learning disability, and being called stupid and slow all the time! I totally agree that people need to be more aware(obviously because I have my website) (: but to know that i can help girls and sometimes boys like you; it gives me confidence. I to have a confidence problem, but the pageant has helped(by the way thanks for the support and the prayer for this coming year) I would love to try and help you with anything you need! I am here to help(even with the self esteem) (: If you have any questions, about anything! I am here. I'm glad I could help!

-Megan Muehlberg

So, here you have it. I hope this was helpful and some how insightful as to how someone you know with APD feels. Its very difficult feeling like your stupid, and like you are worthless. Thats why, we need to all stand up for eachother as a whole and show the world that just because we learn a little differently, dosen't mean were stupid! All it means, is we have a different way of learning, and that just makes us unique and special in our own way! It makes us who we are!

Also, as promised here is a link to Megan's website! I am so glad that we have someone as strong, hard working and willing on our team! Megan your work is very much appreciated and I hope to be able to help the way that you have in showing people the truth about APD!

http://meganwithapd.weebly.com/

-apdteen23

It's not that I don't hear you...it's that I notice everything else!

2011-08-01T02:45:00.004-02:30

I know I already did a blog on background noise, but I wanted to dig a little deeper and go beyond that because it's not always about noise...for me, and im sure many others with APD, it can often be simple, very quiet things, that sometimes make no noise at all, yet we find them distracting!

Can you run that by me again?
-> So, this phrase is one of the many ways I say..I have no sweet clue what you just said because my brain somehow didn't comprehend it and I was completly distracted! For instance, I was in church this evening for a celebration service to conclude an anual festival we have here in my community every year, and when the minister was giving his sermon, it wasn't just him my brain was noticing. The service was for all denominations in our community and so the ministers from the other churches were sitting on the stage. Anyways, one minister was waving a paper as a fan, and the other one kept crossing his leggs from one way to another and kept moving his bible and flicking through pages...needless to say, I tend to notice everything around me and not because im bored or don't want to listen, its because my brain unwillingly notices many things around me that distracts me from what I should be listening to. For me, its WAY easier for me to focus if the person talking is using visuals or if they are the only one in the front talking and I am in the front and no one is in my view of vision only the person talking. This is why in the classroom, I sit up front, and the only way something actually sticks is if the teacher is writing things on the board as he/she is talking.

It dosen't always take a distraction:
-> However, even though distractions are a major cause of us apders not comprehending what was said, sometimes, we completly miss whats said, when there is just a one on one conversation going on. It's less likely, but it does still happen, and it does get very frustrating, especially, in situations where someone is trying to explain something to me, or is trying to give me directions and no matter how many times someone repeats it, it dosen't stick. So, in these cases, as hard as it may be, the only option is to ask someone to rephrase how they are telling you because sometimes the same wording over and over can get frustrating. For instance, one day at school I was staying behind with my math teacher(which happened quite often because I find math very difficult) and he was trying to explain a concept to me and for some reason the way he was wording it just wasn't sticking it was like (as I say MANY times) he was talking in a completly different language then me because my brain didn't understand what he was explaining, so I had to be bold and say, "sir, can you please reword that or teach me differently I don't understand". Which, may seem easy to the average person, but to someone with apd it can make us feel very insecure and stupid because it happens so often that it becomes annoying and frustrating!

To conclude tonights blog, I just want to say, if you are reading this, and your someone who has a loved one or friend who has apd..PLEASE, have patience with then. Thats something that is very important in helping someone with APD cope, is patience and understanding. So, if your ever in the situation where the person you know who is affected by APD is having trouble understanding what is being said, or is confussed, be patient and take the time to rephrase or repeat, because its very difficult being the one who feels left behind!

-apdteen23

...it goes beyond the ear

2011-07-30T01:58:00.001-02:30

So, tonight in this next blog I want to go back to my roots, the issues of school because even though it summer vacation I tend to think about school a lot.. I guess where I have to work so hard at it, its a very big part of my life because I care so much about doing my very best! So, in this post I want to talk about an aspect of school that is VERY frustrating for me, yet has absolutly nothing to do with misinterpreting the sounds, because as very few people know, it does go beyond that!

Ugh this just as well be in Japaneese!:
-> Do you ever feel like you have read something.. and then you think..gee what the heck did I just read..then your read it again...and remember for an instant then continue on and after reading the second part you have the first part forgot, or you dont understand how they go to together or make sense?? Well, if you experience any of the above, welcome to my world! I feel like im constantly reading, and re-reading and re-reading things and still nothing..and sometimes it gets so frustrating that my brain just feels fried and I just have to step back and take a break and look at it again later! This can get CRAZY stressful, especially when your doing an exam and you've only got so much time(I do get extra time with my supports but even my extra time has a limit - because we had to do government exams at the end of the year and I was only allowed an extra hour and a half on the three hour exam)..soo all and all, this aspect of my life can get QUITE frustrating!!!

Yayy I think I got it....wait...maybe not!
-> Does this statement sound familuar? Talk about STORY OF MY LIFE! Test time is when it makes me the most mad but it happens a lot! For instance with the biology course I did this year, it was hard enough for me to memorize facts and stuff, but we had to apply our knowledge to these facts which is VERY hard to do! So, on a test, I would know the stuff, however, somehow I would misunderstand the queston I read and get it incorrect when in fact if the question wasn't as vague and was more straight forward I would have known it! Multiple choice was the worse for this because in all cases the answers listed would be very very simular and easy to get tangled if you misread and that would be enough to make you mad, especially when you fail a test and then later go over it with your teacher to discover you would have passed if you had just understood the question properly!!!

Well guys, thought id give you guys that short little rant there tonight because thats one problem I am still learning to cope with and stil have major problems with so please leave comments, suggestions, request anything and I hope you liked this recent blog:)

-apdteen23

The music inside of me

2011-07-26T23:56:00.001-02:30

So, its been a little while since I last posted, and I appologize! Things have been crazy busy with me... but I am back with another blog, and tonight I want to write about something that is SO important to me, yet its something that I also struggle with, and have to work at, but somehow it still mannages to make me feel better no how often it can bring me down sometimes, and that is my music!

It's been apart of who I am since I was very small:
-> For as long as I can remember music has been a major influence and important part in my life. I don't play any instrurments however I do sing! I have been singing publicly since age 7 and been singing for as long as I could talk at home! Its been an amazing way for me to express how im feeling and get out my feelngs of frustration after a long day at school, I truly believe, that one song can instantly change your day, even your whole world!

We all have our talents:
-> Growing up, I was always told that everyone has a talent! Whether its a talent they use in there everyday lives, and even make it their career in some cases, or whether its a hidden one that you dont find til later in life, every soul has one. For me, I would like to believe my talent is singing! I have been told many times that I have a beautiful voice and have sang in numerous concerts, however, if this is the case, then no talent comes easy! Just because it's a talent, dosen't mean it all comes naturally, well atleast in my case it dosent!

Even the things you love, don't always come easy:
-> Although singing is something that I love, and something that usually helps me express myself on the hardest of days, it can also be very challenging! I often like to think, as I said before, that singing is my talent, but I tell you its not always golden! Because of my auditory processing disorder, I have trouble getting the right notes. For me to sing a song to perform and get it perfectly on key, that song has to be one I know and I have to listen to it non stop like a month before the concert until I am sick of it! It takes me so long to get use to a song's key, especially, when the song I chose is in a differet key then me originally so I have to transpose it to my key.. even though its my range, I always have trouble getting there at first!

I just get so frusterated and hurt sometimes:
-> I think this has to be one of the hardest things about my APD because it feels like it follows me EVERYWHERE like everything I enjoy and am 'good' at, my APD has a way of making it more difficult and frustrating for me. It often buggs me down because I often think ' I have to struggle so hard in school and in so many other things, can't music just be mine, can't my music be my one thing that I do well with no hold backs?" For example, my home town is doing a fundraiser this summer through a world wide program called 'Let them be kids" to get our town a new playground and my music teacher and a few of my other grade 12 classmates put together a song to record as a fundraiser and I was asked, along with another grade 12 girl to do the vocals. When we started recording it was so difficult for me because there was only a back track and because it was one we wrote I couldn't listen to someone else singing it to go by and the key was too high for my music teacher to sing it back to me (as I have a higher range) so it made it very frustrating! It took atleast 6 or 7 takes or more of each part for me to get the correct key and sing it properly and that hurt! Then, when they got they other girl to do it she pretty much got it spot on every time and that hurt even more! Anyways, to make a long story short, I reecieved a copy of the recording today and the only time you can hear me, is in the first verse which I sing alone, the rest is the other girl! I mean yes, I am glad he didn't use my voice if it was bad I wouldn't want to be portrayed as a bad singer, however, it just bothers me that it was bad in the first place!

It ain't about how fast I get there, it's the climb:
-> Since this song has been basically one of my core inspirations to keep on going I figured these lyrics were appropriate for this sub-title. Although things are harder for me, and I have to work more than your average person, when I have those moments where I DO succeed, its all worth it! So, to all my apd readers out there, don't give up, keep the faith and keep up the fight because one day it will be worth it I promise you that! It may take a while getting there, and it wont be easy, but it will come and when that day comes, you will be so glad that you kept on trying!

-apdteen23

Do I make you proud?

2011-07-23T02:24:00.002-02:30

So, I JUST recieved my high school transcript in the mail and I have OFFICIALLY graduated high school!! I am now off to univerisity, but I would never have gotten here without the people in who have 'carried' me along the way! The ones who supported me, helped me, and did everything they could to keep all my best intrest at heart!

My Parents:
-> First, and foremost, I want to thank my parents! Without them I would not have gotten where I am standing today! For putting up with my constant break-downs, unacalled for yelling and frustration, and being a comfort and giving unlimited hugs when I needed them! You both always try to do the very best you can and I could never thank you enough for that!

My Family:
-> All I can say is thanks:) Thanks for being patient and kind and understanding and just the loving family I need you to be. Also, a special shout out to my sister. Even though we live miles apart she is always a text or message away and is always willing to listen and is so supportive of me!

My Teachers:
-> Considering I have just graduated high school, I have had many teachers in the run of 13 years of schooling, and in those 13 years, while I have had some 'interesting' teachers, I have also been blessed enough to have some wonderful teachers who have kept patient with me, stayed behind with me when I needed extra help, made sure I had all the notes and supports I needed for test, put up with my constant break-down and frustration, and was always there to listen when I had a problem, so for that I could never thank-you enough!

My Friends:
-> I would like to also thank, a few of my very closest friends who have been supportive of me, lent an ear when I needed someone to listen to my frustrations, helped me learn my material I struggled with, and overall just being there when I needed them! I know I may get annoying sometimes(especially when I am slow at getting something or needs something repeated like 10 times for it to sink) but I appreciate the few of you who have pateince with me and are willing to help:)

My Fellow APDers:
-> Before this year I didnt really understand my LD. I was told it was just about 'hearing' and nothing to do with the actual 'kinetics' of learning, but this year when I joined a few facebook support groups for APD I was taught so much about myself! Thank-you all for answering my questions, supporting me and helping me understand myself! You deffinitly brought a ton of clarity to my life!

Lindsey:
-> Although we have only met about a month ago on our support group on facebook, you have become like a long lost sister to me! Its crazy how much we have in common especially since we share the same LD! Its amazing having you to talk to because I finally know someone who understand and can relate to what im saying and knows that I am not crazy;P! So, thanks a million girl, I look forward to the day we meet up in Nashville:P

A Special thank you:
-> This thank-you goes to my Guidance Counselor who I have had since kindergarden! Thank-you so much for always being there for me! I HONESTLY wouldn't be anywhere without this woman! She always trys her best to help and understand and any time I need her, if shes too busy to meet with me she always drops a quick email just to let me know shes there and that she cares! I am deffinitly going to miss this lady when I go off to University, which I would never have chosen if it wasnt for her! She made sure I had the best University where I would get good accomidations, class sizes and so on and I could never thank her enough for everything she has done! I truly consider this woman one of my hero's and I hope to be just as good as an educator as her, and be able to change lives of other kids with LDs just like she changed mine!

My Readers:
-> Last, and foremost, thank-you to the 400+ people who have been reading and viewing my blog! Getting this LD better known by the world and having more awareness for it means everything to me! So, thanks for keeping up on my blog and supporting me it means the world to me:)

So, in short, thanks to everyone who believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself:) and to those who never thought id make it...look out world here I come!

-apdteen23

Inside the bubble..

2011-07-22T00:39:00.001-02:30

So, a few post ago, I talked about how its my biggest pet peeve when I ask someone to repeat something for me and they say nevermind and get frustrated with me! Well, I want to dig a little deeper into that topic. Most times, its not because I am so desperate to know what the person said, but the fact of wanting to feel included. Most days, I feel as if im in my own little bubble and as hard as I try to burst it open, its very difficult!

Social situations are so hard for me!
-> Its not really what you would call shyness, or even anti-social, its just for me, its so difficult to just 'hang out' and contribute to a group conversation! For instance, tonight, I was invited to a bridal shower for me step/half cousin who is from away. I found it so hard to keep up with the conversations and it's so frustrating! Like a few friends were stood up talking and I tried to join in on the conversation and I kept getting lost and missing words because of all the commotion and back ground noise that I eventually just gave up and just laughed when they did, and smiled when they did! It was even harder in this situation because I didnt really know anyone so even though im not overly shy, it was still a little awkward for me, which made the situation even harder than normal.

Going with the flow
-> The reason I connected this to one of my previous post is because people say 'nevermind' to me so often because they get frustrated having to repeat things to me, I feel so isolated from everyone most of the time, like I could be so close to a person, yet mentally so far away! Anyway, I often tend to pretend I understand and go with it, mainly because I want to feel included and not get on people's nerves which seems to be the case when im always saying "Huh?" "What?" or "Run that by me agan?"...

Feeling discluded from the group
-> Because I have so much trouble following in a group conversation I ALWAYS feel like an outsider.. the only time I actually feel like I belong is in smaller settings like just one or two people talking at a time and in a quieter setting where I can follow along easier. It makes it so stressful because it makes others think im just awkward or no fun, or just an outsider but really, I feel if I was given a chance, and everyone knew me on a one on one basis, it would be a different story(or atleast I hope so)!

Well, I know this blog isn't that long but this idea kinda came to me, and its kinda one of those topics where you can say it all in very few words! Anyways I hope you all enjoy my post and again any questions or request please leave them I love getting feedback from you guys, it always has a way of making my day:)

-apdteen23

How to take control of your work, and not let it control you!

2011-07-21T00:54:00.001-02:30

For today's post I decided to go with another request, mainly because this request was quite good:) So, for this blog, I am going to talk about the struggles of how to get through tough assignments and homework for a child with APD, and give you some tips that I use to get through it!

1. Im EXSAUSTED!

-> First of all, when your child/teen comes home from school, one of the main/common symptoms found is that after a long day of school, they feel exsausted(I only recently learned that this deals with apd - and I find it all the time). So, what I normally do, it when I first arrive home from school, I take an hour break to either watch tv, get on the computer, or talk to a friend. This way I can 'cool' myself down again before I do my work and become overloaded.

2. Organization is key!

-> I stress this in a lot of my post, mainly because it is very crutial for someone with this LD to get use to routine and keep organized. Is it easy to do so? No, but with practice and keeping a constant routine(for instance growing up before I went to bed I always packed my book bag and now, just finishing grade 12, its become habbit and routine so it makes it easier for me to remember to do it)! For me, I use an agenda and got in the habbit of writing everything down(which is good to have because then you know when the assignment was assigned and you can plan ahead, which is my next point)!

3. Plan your time accordingly!

-> I always try to get started on an assignment as soon as it is assigned. This way some of the info is still in my head and I remember which questions I will need to ask(also gives me time to ask questions vs if I leave it to the last minute) this way it reduces stress, gives me time to understand it and get help if need be(which is usually always the case). However, at the same time don't over do it! Depending on the size of the work of course. If its a worksheet do the next day for class and they only give you one night then do it bit by bit, take little breathers in between(get a glass of water, or a snack, or simply just turn on your favorite song and sing along to get your emotions out and then re-visit the worksheet)...however if its a bigger assignment one your given weeks for, do it in chunks. Look at your agenda and say ok I have this many nights til its due but this night and this night I will be busy so work it around that and then see on average how many questions you need to do a night to get it done and still have time to review and ask questions! For me, its all about making sure I take my time and try not to stress too much(which is a big problem with me, I tend to get very over emotional and stressed and I have problems with high anxiety im working on overcoming).

Anyways I hope this helps in giving some suggestions as to how to deal with difficulty in doing homework and assignments! Remember, if you have any suggestions, or questions please feel free to leave me a comment on here!

-apdteen23

Learning to Drive...it's not as easy as it may appear!

2011-07-20T03:15:00.001-02:30

So, I asked for some request on a facebook support group I have joined because I started to run out of ideas on what I should write and this topic totally inspired me! This is because, I myself, am almost 18 years old, I've had my permit almost 2 years, and STILL no license!

-> Why does it feel like EVERYTHING in my life requires 10x's the effort?
Its been 1 year and 11 months since I got my permit and I am still driving with the company of a parent(or a driver who has been licensed for atleast 5 years - which is the law where I come from)! I am just now getting use to it and remembering how far away I need to be when I start to slow down for a stop sign, or how quick to put on my signal light, etc. However, when I first got my permit, and was getting use to driving around, I would honestly forget 'little' things that my parents would FREAKE over and I would feel so stupid. For instance, one time I was in with my dad and I went to the wrong side of the road after pulling out of the parking lot. My dad flipped at me and said I had no common sense, which was quite hurtful! I find it so painful, especially when everyone in my class has their licenses and the two or three that don't its by choice! I feel like in every aspect of my life I am slower than everyone else and it just seems so unfair!

-> Look out for the...cone/pylong?
After having my permit for so long, I have mannaged to get a handle on how to react on the road...after keeping routine and keeping at it, I have mannaged to get that much down, however, now I am onto parking and let me tell ya, it is not any piece of cake! I am still getting use to which way to turn my wheel when backing up(I get confussed-and its hard to explain how, but I somehow tend to turn it the opposite way, which causes trouble)! My first, 'test practice' session with my dad was just a few weeks ago and I had so much trouble with it! I got so upset that I came home, gave my mom my key to the car and said here I wont be needing this, took off all my chains on the key and went upstairs and slammed my bed room door! Its so hard because I feel stupid all the time in the school setting, feeling stupid with something like driving, makes me feel even worse!

-> I'll get there...someday!
Even though it seems impossible and so far away, I am constantly trying to remain possitive. Its a challenge believe me but I am hoping with continued support and hard work, that one day, my head will be lifted strong and high! I am hoping that by doing these blogs, I will not only be able to help myself accept me for me, but help other kids accept themselves for who they are! We may learn diffrently, and we may be slower, but were not stupid, it just takes us a while to believe it!

Well, there is post #7 and last time I checked I had something like 271 views I think which is amazing! Thanks so much everyone for your constant support and feedback and I hope to hear more!:)

-apdteen23

What??....Nevermind!

2011-07-19T01:10:00.002-02:30

The title of this blog explains my most biggest pet peeve! I absolutly HATE it when someone says something to you, and you have no sweet clue what was just said so you ask them to repeat in and what do they do?...they say "nevermind"!

->Don't I already feel stupid enough!?
-> When I am in this situation as described above, where someone says something to me, and it could be something totally simple(I can't think of an example right off top of my head), but anyways, I for some reason will misinterpret it, and ask for a repeat or rephrase of what was said, and sometimes the person will say 'nevermind its not important' or 'thats ok don't worry about it' or just plain and simple...'nevermind'. I am going to hopeingly assume that the people who say 'nevermind', don't realize how much it hurts someone with APD. I think the main reason it hurts someone with apd more so then your 'average' person is because we seem to be always misinterpreting something and it feels as if we are always left out. For me, its because I always felt so left out, especially around my peers because they would say something to make the group laugh and I wouldn't get it, and they would just say 'nevermind' and continue to giggle, while i would remain sitting there feeling completly out of the 'loop' and completly alone!

Well, this blog was a little shorter as there isn't a whole lot more I can say on this topic, but again I hope I was able to help and bring some clarity, thats what I am here for!

Also, if you have any topics you would like me to discuss please feel free to leave me a comment and I will try and write to the best of my experience on your chosen topic!

-apdteen23

Learning a little differently, dosen't mean your stupid!

2011-07-18T03:23:00.003-02:30

In yesterdays blog, I wrote about how Auditory Processing Disorder affects those who have it in the 'real world' outside the school setting, as much as it does in the school setting. So, tonight, I want to talk a little more about it's challenges for a high school student in the school setting since thats where us teens find it the most!

1. In the classroom:
This is one area where it can be very overwhelming, pressuring, and difficult for a teenager with apd, and there are many different reasons for that!

-> Background Noise
This is a major issue because it is very hard for someone with APD to block this out while trying to concentrate on doing their work, listening to the teacher, or doing something more demanding such as a test or a quiz. Even though there may not be anyone talking or any loud noises, there are still common background noises in the classroom that a 'normal' child wouldn't necissarily find whereas a teen with apd would. For instance, a student using a pencil sharpener(especially the loud electric ones), someone fiddling with the papers, someone looking through there backpack causing papers to 'rattle', and someone just simply tapping their pen on their desk or whistling. These things can seem very 'loud' to someone with APD and it becomes very frustrating when your trying to listen to the teacher or concentrate on doing your work with all these distractions! For me personally, because I have had a confirmed diagnosis for 6 years I have been able to work on coping mechanisms and im getting better and better on blocking it out however it is still very difficult and it will never come naturally.

-> ...and the answer is?
For someone with APD, background noise isn't the only issue we experience in the classroom, its the one most commonly known to others but deffinitly not the only one. There is also the fear of being called upon and then having trouble understanding the question, or missing it all together. This is because someone with APD has to work A LOT harder than the average person to keep attentive to the teacher who is talking. It dosen't mean the class is boring or they just don't care, it means that our mind wanders uncontrollably, and when someone ask us a question when we don't expect it, sometimes we answer incorrectly without even knowing it, and actually knowing the right answer if we had proccessed the question properly. This can cause many problems with someone with apd because if their incorrect answer seems 'stupid' or 'funny' to the rest of the class it can cause teasing, or worse, if the teacher isn't aware of these issues that a person with APD has, it can cause them to become annoyed or angry with the student when it isn't their fault. This, in turn, can cause a lot of emotional distress to a student who has apd especially in the teen years when they are trying to fit in. For me, my mistakes like these in the classroom where blamed on my blonde hair by my classmates, however, I did have trouble with the teachers when I was younger post diagnosis and some even after I was diagnosed. However, as I got older, and understood my problem more, and the school was able to understand it more, it was easier for them to know how to handle those types of situations like for instance making sure I understood or was paying attention before asking me a question.

->Im Confussed!?
These two words are my two most commonly said words throughout the day along with huh, and what! However, what many people don't realize, is the confussion of school work for someone with APD goes beyond the actual 'auditory' understand of it. Yes, I am aware that it is called Auditory Processing disorder however, its not just the auditory system which gives us trouble. I know for me personally, I often have a lot of difficulty with reading comprehension. For instance, I could be reading a question on a test or even just simply on a worksheet to be done in class, and I could read it and either a) have no sweet clue what is being asked at all so I ask for help or b) read it and take it the complete wrong way and somehow misinterpret it and answer the question wrong, when in fact, if I have understood it the way it was written, I would have gotten it correct! This deffinitly is a very frustrating thing for me dealing with my apd(I think its one of the hardest things for me) because I work so hard, I study a lot, and then to get something wrong that I would have gotten right if I had understood the question(especially in a test situation) can get very discouraging and irritating!

2. School Problems ALWAYS follow you home!

-> Doing Homework
One major problem I myself find when I come home and do homework, is when I get home, I forget how to do what I just learned. For instance, if I was taught a new concept in math and the teacher gave me a worksheet to do for homework, by the time I get home I have no sweet clue how to do it. I most always have to look over my notes and study them for atleast 20-30 minutes before I even begin doing the actual homework questions, which then causes a lot of issues if I have homework in other subjects, plus trying to keep up on everything anyways so I don't get behind, so for someone like me, the homework process can become a very long and frustrating one.

-> Studying
To continue on from the following point, studying is a much the same, yet a whole other ball park! While the habbits are the same, and even though in almost all cases I have been studying for a test weeks in advanced, reviewing whenever I can, its the days before the test that gets the MOST stressful. This is because, I find that when I am trying to make sure I remember everything for the upcoming test, the amounts of material can get overwhelming and trying to keep it all in my memory can become very very tricky! Especially, once your in the higher grades in high school when its no longer just memorizing termenology, its also being able to apply your knowledge and being able to understand the question. For me, it takes a long time to remember what each little thing is, let alone being able to apply a bunch of different things into one 'abstract' question.

-> Sleep? What is that you speak of?
One thing that I find, that I never knew connected to my apd until now, is sleeping patterns. At night, I find it so hard to sleep. During the day I can very easily take a nap but night time, its usually between 1-2am before I actually fall asleep no matter what time I actually get in bed. How does this have anything to do with my APD you ask? Well, in the run of a day, there are so many things that us apders have to process, even some simple things that most people take for granted, and because our brains are a bit slower pace at 'digesting' information, this also causes a delay in processing. So, when someone with apd is in bed getting ready to go to bed, their brain can sometimes be on overload and all the things we did and learned that day are just now starting to 'click' and process in our brains which can be very overwhelming!

So, I hope this gave you a small taste of what school life is like for someone with apd, or helped you understand yourself a little better because thats is what I hope to do! I hope to be able to make people with this disorder feel less alone, because I have been there. I felt alone for so many years and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy! Again, thanks for all the support I have so far gotten 153 views which is AMAZING and makes me feel that I am finally able to make something good our of having this LD!

-apdteen23

APD...it dosen't just affect learning!

2011-07-17T01:30:00.001-02:30

This next post, I decided to talk about how many of the issues we have with apd, not only relate to our learning, but to our everyday lives, which can be extremly stressful! So, below I am going to talk about different aspects and how it affects me!

1.Just simply hanging out with friends:

-This very simple task, can sometimes be very stressful and hard for someone with apd. Not necissarily just hanging out, but when you get into group conversations, I know for me, they can become very hard. Sometimes for instance if my friends and I are just sitting around at school during recess talking, I sometimes get lost in the conversation and respond incorrectly or don't understand what they are saying and its very hard (especially being a blonde- they tend to blame it on my hair color because they don't understand the apd aspect). It gets so frustrating because you feel so stupid (sometimes it even came to the point for me that I just didnt say anything I just nodded my head and laughed when everyone else did.

2. Forgetfulness
-Even though being forgetful has a big impact on our school lives, like having trouble remembering facts for a test, or just imply remembering what the teacher explained 5 minutes ago when we begin doing questions(example: Math), this also affects our everyday life outside the school setting. For instance, say if im down stairs in the living room, and I get a thought to go upstairs and get a blanket to cover up in, I will sometimes get to the top of the stairs and then forget what I went up for, OR sometimes I will get up to go to the cupboard in the kitchen to get a pack of chips for the movie, and ill open the fridge door forgetting what im looking for. However, its not just quick memory like that which is affected. When I was younger i use to always forget things like dates of things or times I had to be places, or misplace things, however, I have mannaged to now keep a constant routine of writing things in an agenda and keeping things organized so I am less likely to forget. I still forget from time to time, it's just happens less often.

3. Where did I put that ________________

- Organization is also a task that is very difficult for a person with APD. It tends to tie in with my second point in that our short term memories is why we tend to loose things. For me, organization is one thing I have mannaged to master, but it took many years of constant routine for me to get the hang of it and remain organized and even now its still a struggle, it dosen't by any means come naturally, but its something that I keep working at, and now its to the point where if things are out of place, i freak because I need them to be in there exact spots where they have always been for me to remember.

4. Oww what is that noise?
- For many people with apd, even though our hearing is perfectly normal, we have trouble with noises in the sence that were sensitive to loud or certain sudden sounds. For example, I have always hated the vaccum cleaner. The sound goes right through me along with the sounds of a fire drill/bell, a balloon popping and the sound of a alarm clock. Many people with apd have these troubles, to the point where its almost impossible to cope with them, which can also get very frustrating, because many of these noises are apart of our everyday lives and to have issues with them can be embaressing and annoying.

These ways are just a few quick ways in which apd affects us in our daily lives. There are many more these are just the common ones I was able to come up with on top of my head! I hope this helps clarrify issues and questions about apd :)

-apdteen23

Self Esteem - How does it affect my APD?

2011-07-15T02:02:00.003-02:30

I want to start this blog off with a quote by Charles Schwab which states:
“That’s the real problem with kids who struggle with learning ... Some kids
feel like they’re stupid. I want them to know that they’re not. They just learn
differently. Once they understand that and have the tools to learn in their
individual way, then they can feel good about themselves.”

People think I’m stupid!
• How do you not get that, its so simple?
• What is wrong with you this is so easy?
• Come on you can do it just work a little harder!
To an average person, these few statements can be hurtful, but in most
cases with a bit more effort, they understand, however, for someone with
APD, its not always that easy!

Regular teenagers struggle with self-esteem
Feeling like your worthless, stupid and like your absolutly no good for nothing is common amongst many teens. These are the years that we teens are finding our identities as an individual.

However, for a teenager with not just APD but any learning disablity, is very common to
have problems with self confidence. This is because we don’t ‘fit’ into that perfect mold
with our peers in most cases.

The end result is not an indicator of how hard I try
In my case, all my friends, for the most part were top A students, and hardly
had to ‘lift a finger’, but for me, it was a whole other story! Most times for me
to just pass a test, it requires studying weeks in advanced, staying behind
with my teacher after school or a tutor for extra help, along with using any
extra supports the school is able to give like quiet place to write the test, a
teacher to help with clarrification, extra time, etc.

So, how does a teenager explain to their peers that they
still did poorly on that math quiz, or that biology test, even
after studying so hard and getting help?

For many teens with learning disablities, the fact that they try so hard and
still only end up with a 60 or a 70, sometimes even bairly a pass, is hard to
accept. I know it was for me. Most teens would rather just give up all
together because doing poorly for not trying apparently looks better than doing
poorly and trying your hardest!

Why is it in this society that people with LD’s feel ashamed of what
makes them who they are? Shouldn’t we be looking towards each others strengths, not their weaknesses?

It’s still hard to accept my APD
Personally, I have managed to accept my APD more and more everyday,
however, it’s far from easy. I still spend many days feeling alone, stupid,
and worthless, and that inner battle is a hard one to fight. I think, one main
reason this is, is because in our society today, its so easy to put someone
down. Its so easy to pick out flaws and find things that others need to ‘fix’ or
‘change’, however, to give someone a compliment, and remind them of their
strengths and ablities seems to be difficult for some reason.

Let’s just all be nice!
I believe, if people started to compliment each other, instead of tearing each
other down, whether they have a LD or not, we woud all be a lot better off.
What is the point in making others feel worse about who they are? Why is
it that we have all these labels branded on eachother, these labels that are
determinded by race, religion, ethics, or a LD?

Why can’t we just come to the realization that
we are all special in our own way?

Everybody has flaws, and everybody has strengths...why not start focusing
on the strengths for a little while?

What do YOU think?

-apdteen23

From the beginning..a quick glimpse into my story!

2011-07-14T00:30:00.000-02:30

A few days ago, I came across my old diary, and when I began reading it I came across an entry that I wrote just after I left the audiologist office. I will also spell everything and write it just as I wrote it so you can see handy about how a kid with undiagnosed APD writes at about the age of 12.

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the doctors to see the audioaligest he was really nice. When I got there I waited in a little waiting room for the doctor to call me in. Then he called me in and we went down in this little corner and he had this little ear phone and put it in one ear and then the next and took pictures of my inside ear and then he put me and mom in one room and he went in another room and he put the little ear phones in my ears, then he put on his head set only his had a mic so he could talk to me. Then we started and he asked me all kinds of questions. The test I liked the best was identify the notes. If it was a high note or a low note I heard. The hardest test was the man on the tape would say 2 numbers in each ear and I had to tell him all 4 numbers. I think I failed that one also there was a test were there were 2 sentences said in my ear at the two sentences are different volumes and I had to tell the sentence that was the Quietest and block out the loadest sound. Then we went to another room and the doctor lid me down in a lazy boy chair and then put some cream on my face and stuck wirers to my cream on my head and then the wirers hooked up to a computer so he could see my auditory system and when he turned on the camera it sounded like a wood pecker tapping on my ear drum it was verry boring and anoying it was for 15 min. Anyway after all that I learned I have an auditory disorder. Well G2G.

So, there is my experience at the audiologist! I am working on a story of my whole experience which I am hoping to have posted for you readers very soon! Thanks to all my readers and I hope this blog will bring clarity to someone about auditory processing disorder and what it really is!

-apdteen23

Can you hear me now?

2011-07-13T02:21:00.000-02:30

Chances are, if your reading this, you either A) have auditory processing disorder, or your in the process of being tested for it, or B) your a parent, teacher or other love one who knows someone who has been affected by it. The sad thing about this is, for the most part, the only people who know about this disorder are people who have it, or know someone with it, and even then for the most part, don't completely understand it. I myself, am a 17 year old female with this disorder, and has been living with this confirmed diagnosis since the age of 12. Truth be known, us kids, teens, and adults who live with this disorder don't have it easy! Mainly, because people seem to have some kind of notion that we don't "hear" what is being said. Well, I want to be the first to tell you, APD has nothing to do with our actual hearing, actually, in some cases we hear too much! For instance, if someone is talking to us at a party, we will not only hear the person talking, but we will hear the music playing, the people shouting and laughing, etc and because of our auditory processing disorder, we can't block out everything else and we can't hear just the one voice talking directly to us. But, there are times when it is complete silence and its just us and another person and we still don't seem to 'hear' what is being said, correct? Well, we do hear it, there is nothing wrong with our actual hearing, the problem is when the message is being transferred to the brain for processing. So, here is my first 'rant' on APD and I will continue to post and I hope to be of help to anyone who is still trying to find their way in the APD world. I am by no means an expert, I still have so many questions myself but I am hoping through this blog, and feedback, I will be able to learn more!!

Sincerly,
-apdteen23