My Journey With Robyn - Moms Point of View

Hello Everyone,
 So, it has been quite a while since I have posted a blog and I whole heatedly apologize for that! As you can imagine my semester has been crazy. This blog is a post I asked my mom to write and she has had a rough draft done for quite some time now its just me getting around to editing and then her doing her final touches and so and so forth. So, here is my story through my moms eyes. I hope you all enjoy it:)
Happy New Year to all my readers:) I hope this year is better than the last and brings more clarity and understanding.
-apdteen23
        

Today my baby girl turned 19 years old and she has been asking me for a long time to write what I remember about what our lives were like dealing with a child with a learning disability Specifically APD. (Auditory processing disorder) So this is my birthday gift to you my sweet as I am sure many other moms can benefit from it and that is your reason behind it. Some I started a while ago but today I will finish.
           When I received the call that said I was indeed pregnant, I was beyond happy! Yet, quickly a sense of fear and many questions seem to fill my thoughts. I was in a very serious, life threatening accident just a little over nine months before.  I could hardly walk or talk, how was I going to be a good mom! I was seeing double and had to wear prisms in my eye glasses. My ears were always ringing, and I wondered, would I even be able to hear her if she cried? What I never realized was that, as Robyn grew, so would I grow again. That is why God blessed me with her. She would challenge me so much. Always keep me on my toes and giving me the necessary incentive to keep going. From a very early age Robyn has been a huge handful. I remember taking her to a Toy store, "Toys r us", when she was maybe two or three. My Sister was with us and boldly said that she was never having children, simply because of the way Robyn was acting.
         I have come to accept the fact that Robyn was acting the only way she knew how, yet at the time, I felt like I never had any control over her! It seemed like she had her mind made up, she already had things pictured in her mind and I wasn’t going to change it. At the time, I did question my ability as a mom. Was I raising her in the right way? How could she just hit me or pinch me like I was such a bad person? I have come to realize that it was the only way she knew to get out her frustration.  I had been told that the people we hurt most are those closest to us.

 I was seeing a psychologist because of my accident, and he told me about this 1, 2, 3, technique that many use so I did try. Robyn was not the type to stay in a certain area for time out, like sitting on a chair in the corner. She had to be confined to a room, but it left her crying and I found that so upsetting.  I did continue it and it did get to the point that I never got beyond 2! Not often anyway. However, I am wondering now if this action may have created an anxiety in her. For she would not just go into her room, she was often carried in and fought with to keep her behind a locked door. It sounds so cruel, but at the time I knew I was losing control and I needed to be able to teach her, I needed respect. Even with the door locked, she would constantly cry out, kick the door, and this would not stop until close to when her time out was over.
         I remember going to Wal-Mart with her and it seemed like she wanted everything. Again, she would not take no for an answer and she got really mad. I was at the end of my rope, wondering what others may be thinking about me, and feeling very much like a bad Mom to have her child act this way in public. She was about 4 at this point and I remember dropping what I had to buy, picking her up, and attempting to carry her to the car. I never got far though before I had to put her down for she was kicking and screaming, pitching and hitting me. I wasn’t even angry at her just very hurt because I honestly believed that I was doing something so very wrong. Maybe I was too nice to her, and not giving enough discipline.
            With school came a new definition of hard. I remember her teacher saying that Robyn would do things on her own, she would always do what was asked but never really wanted to do what the other kids were doing. I noticed when she started to print several years before that she held her pencil on wrong. Where I had lost the use of my right dominate hand because of the accident, I wasn’t confident that my grip with my left hand was not right either so when she fought me on changing her grip, I thought that after she started school, the teacher would show her the right way. That never happened! Even to this day she holds the pencil wrong. While in Physiotherapy last week, she was told that it was because of her learning disability and that her brain was never taught the right way!
            Robyn would leave for school in a very good frame of mind, but I remember one day in particular, how she came home very angry and frustrated. She never said if anything happened or why she acted this way, she just sat down to watch a TV series she had. I believe it was Full House we watched at that time.

 I did learn after, not really sure how, but Robyn had a troubling episode at school that day. She was playing basketball with her classmates and was very excited when she got the ball and no one tried to stop her. She was so thrilled to get the basket only to discover that it was her own net that she got it on! I could imagine how the people were screaming at her, but she never heard it as she focused on getting the basket. Of course all made fun and criticized. Even the teacher never understood at this point. It is very true how the truth eventually comes out.
            One of the many problems of my accident, which did cause a head injury, is the lack of memory. Dates are a problem as well. But I do remember feeling like there must be something wrong with Robyn’s behaviour. It seemed as though when things went wrong, I was the one she would take out her frustration out on, and usually we never knew what made her like that. It was while I was waiting to see my dentist that I read an article on ADD (Attention Deficient Disorder) and thought this must be Robyn’s problem. I was praying it wasn't but at the same time hoping that maybe it was so I could deal with it. I made an appointment to see my psychologist, so I could ask him what he thought. For right now, my family and friends thought I was crazy! They said that Robyn is perfect, just very much use to getting her own way and that I was too easy on her. That didn’t sit well with me.
            After talking with Dennis, (My Psychologist) we concluded that it wasn’t ADD, however it was something and he asked that I bring her to our next meeting so he could do some test. Which he did! There were card games, and vision games, it seemed like she was having a lot of fun. She had to see the school health nurse, a paediatrician, have a Speech Language assessment done and an IQ test done with her School Guidance Counsellor. This led to a visit to the Janeway Hospital for an auditory assessment. When everything was finished the end result was that Robyn had a learning disability called (Central) Auditory Processing Disorder, or (C) APD. Now we had a name for it which was great, but never had any idea on how to treat it. Again, my family thought I was looking for something, but they didn’t realize how much I blamed myself. The more I read on it and what may be the cause, the more I felt that I was at fault because I had her after my accident, after my head injury. Although Dennis assured me that there was no way I could cause this, I wasn’t convinced.
            Things never got better just because she was now ‘labeled’. Her report card in grade 5 said; “Robyn needs to be more attentive in class. She needs to complete all assigned homework.” This shocked me for I always asked Robyn about her homework and even helped her with it. She would tell me she never had any when in fact she did! The question is now, if she even heard the teacher give her the homework. I remember going on to the school website after that to find out what homework she did have. However, unless I wanted to accuse her of lying and watching her every move, I had to trust her and believe that she was doing what was necessary. She was passing her grades and I felt she needed to know I believed in her. Another teacher wrote on her report card for that year, “Robyn needs to be more organized and on task.” That makes me laugh now because there is no one that I know of more organized then Robyn.
            With Robyn finally being accepted by her teachers as a child with a learning disability, this caused a new set of concerns. First, everything seemed to be going great. Robyn was more content and happier then she had been in a long time. She liked going to school again, her teachers and friends seemed to be so much nicer to her. Yet, I was now concerned that the teachers were too lenient to her. Robyn had a problem with writing and would print instead. Maybe this was because of the problem she had with her pencil grip, but it was never really dealt with. She never liked doing homework, so I would sit with her until she did something and she did manage to keep her grades up.
           It wasn’t long before I realized she never had much homework, and I couldn’t understand it. Robyn told me how her guidance counsellor suggested that because of her learning disability, if she was given work or assignments that she could not understand, than she never had to do it. I am sure her guidance counselor knew exactly the proper way to go. She is a wonderful, very caring person whom both Robyn and I have great respect for. However, at the time, I honestly felt like this was an easy way for Robyn to get out of doing work she didn’t want to do. Especially if there was something else she would rather be doing. I was concerned that this would make her not want to try. This would have been great, but I feel she used it as a way to avoid doing her work and to get away from it. I was afraid that she would take this for all it was worth and not even try anymore.
          Maybe this was what helped in creating her love for attention. For now she was the centre of attention, even around her teachers and friends. Perhaps that is why when her friend came to school with crutches because she had broken her foot, it wasn’t long before Robyn hurt her foot too! I found myself wondering, if she really hurt it or if this was an act for attention? I watched her closely and refused to take her to the doctor just yet. She would join her friend in taking the elevator in school for it hurt to take the stairs.
          I felt like such a bad mom again by not believing that she was actually in pain, or was she? My gut feeling was telling me that she wasn’t. Robyn eventually got tired of this act and told me she was really making it sound worse than it was. That she did want crutches like her friend for it seemed so cool. The next example of this behaviour was when another friend needed glasses. Robyn was also experiencing headaches and trouble reading, and off we went to the eye doctor. The doctor told us that her eyes were fine and she didn’t need glasses. Which kind of made me feel like she was just a very dramatic person that needed attention, but several years later, after seeing a different doctor, we were told that Robyn did have a problem with her eye sight that may have been corrected if found when she was about four years old, but now there was nothing that could be done only for her to keep wearing glasses. Could I have done things differently?
 I honestly believe that Robyn’s behaviour was her trying so hard to belong, to fit in. She now felt different in school once again. First it seemed fun, even enjoyable, however now she felt like she was stupid, like she was looked down on. That was her own words when describing how her math teacher changed the way to do math just for her, to make it easier and faster. Yes, she needed extra help to understand, but she did her problems like everyone else did. Her Guidance Counsellor said that Robyn was so much lower in math then her class mates, but I couldn’t understand this as she did her math for me and was passing her class. However, Robyn had a very hard time when it came to doing her multiplication tables, even the simple ones like 6 x 1. I am not sure if she didn’t want to try or just didn’t understand. I recall sitting down with her doing her math one day and she really seemed like she wanted to do it, however she was easily distracted, or she would start to sing or talk. It’s like she didn’t even realize what we were there for. When I tried to do the simplest multiplication with her, she never even understood it. Thankfully, after we did a few, it’s like it came back to her and she never had a problem.
            Robyn was now a part of the high school adults. No longer was she among the higher grades, but back to the babies of the group. It takes a lot of adjusting for anyone, let alone a child with a learning disability. She wanted so much to feel like she belonged, but her needing a sound system that kept the students in one class instead of moving around, was definitely not the way to go about that. Robyn was assured that the other students would not know it was for her, but that soon changed when a teacher ran into problems with it and asked Robyn in front of her class mates. I am thinking back on the night that I was trying to help Robyn study for a test the next day. She wasn’t either bit interested, I truly believe now it was because she believed that she could not even understand it. She felt stupid and incapable of learning. She was very frustrated and angry once again, and of course I was her ‘punch bag’ that she used to deal with it. Robyn started to pinch me and pull on my hair. I knew getting angry with her wasn’t going to help, so I got up to go in my room for her to have time out. This made her very mad, as she came behind me kicking the door very hard. So much I thought she would come through it.  I eventually opened the door but she was still very mad, so I held her in my arms and dropped to the bed with her. She started to fight me at first but I was laughing and eventually she laughed too. We went back to study and she seemed to know what I asked. When she got her test back she got a 52% which was very low for her. I asked what had happened and she said there was paper moving and people walking up to ask the teacher questions, and the questions on the test were different then she studied.
             My heart bled for Robyn, as I questioned what I could do to help her. She didn’t even know what she needed. Her good friend also had a learning disability but it was different and she needed one on one for a test so she would go into a room with another teacher. Robyn found this hard to accept because she also felt like if she had that kind of help she would do so much better. However, there weren’t enough teachers to go around and so Robyn got placed in a room all by herself. What they didn’t know is that, that kind of silence was louder than any distraction! This was soon taken care of.
            Robyn did get to go in a room for test while another teacher was there. There was a lot of trial and error, trying to find what Robyn needed. But, things did start to improve. She was once again very happy as they started a music program in school, and that is Robyn’s passion. She sang in church many times and now in school. That even helped her grade improve as she was awarded the most improved female student for Grade 8. Robyn had to work very hard to get what she did get in grades. She would stay behind with different teachers to make sure she got what was talked about, and she still found it very hard. I remember thinking that they are not taught how to study. That is why her marks are low. But that wasn’t exactly the case. Robyn would spend hours reading but not really understanding what she read, thus becoming very frustrated. For a long time she was trying to convince me that she couldn’t remember or that she couldn’t picture things in her mind. I would tell her to think about a flowery garden that she was running through, and she would argue with me that she couldn’t see it.  Of course I couldn’t question that I had no way to prove that she could. She always kept me on my toes. I honestly think she was looking for some reason that make it understandable why she was the way she was. Her teachers met with me to suggest Robyn read the chapter ahead of class so she have some idea of what was going on. So we tried it that night, but as I listened I would ask things so she would understand better, I felt she was just reading and not understanding. This made her very frustrated and we had another bad episode. She packed her bag and was going to leave but my threats of taking things away stopped that, than she called the Children's teen Hot line to say I was abusing her! I let her speak all the while praying for God’s guidance. After she hung up, I sat by her and asked her why she hurts me like she does. She admitted she never called the Hot line. A recording came on saying she needed to dial something, so she just pretended to talk. She admitted to me that when she had to read and I kept interrupting her to ask questions, she became very frustrated! I than told her how she needs to control her anger and frustration.
            Things seem to be bad in Robyn’s School again as well. She would spend her recess alone looking out the window and listening to her music. I recall going up to see her Guidance Counsellor one day and all the class was sat on the floor talking, and laughing. Robyn was sat to the side, close enough to be with the group but her face told me she wasn’t. My heart once again, bled for her. Robyn’s answer was to move away, go to a different school. She talked about us moving to Red Deer to be with her best friend Sarah. It turned out her Dad was also unhappy with his work and talked about the ‘turn around’ in Alberta. I went to my Lord for guidance and as it turned out, my Mom was very sick and I felt Robyn and I should be near her, so we decided to move to a new school in Conception Bay. Robyn fit right in on the spot. That very night a few friends came to ask her to join them for a walk. Robyn became involved in so much, the school Choir, The Leadership Group, SADD (Students against Drunk Drivers), the Speak Off at Skills Canada and even participated in a Court act with a real judge. She was acting as the lawyer and won her case.
            One thing I noticed that year was that if Robyn had assignments to do on her own time, she would ace them; however, she had a hard time with exams! Again we can see how this learning disability really affects people. Work didn’t scare Robyn, understanding it in a time frame did. Good for her that this school had the policy that if you attended your classes within a certain percentage; you could opt out from taking the final exams. Which Robyn did! She left that school with over an 85% average. After much thought and prayer, I decided it was best to move back to Twillingate. Robyn should finish her Grade 12 with the children she started Kindergarten with. It proved to be a great move, for Robyn was her happy self again, took part in many activities such as Leo Club, Drama Club, The Lion’s Speak off and she also was the editor of the grad year book and co- president of the safe grad committee, and music of course. The teachers knew her and knew the help she needed, and so it was such a wonderful time. Robyn still had to work very hard, she would stay behind every day, mostly with teachers that could help her understand what was taught that day or help her prepare for a test.
            For the second time in that school she was awarded one of the top awards for determination and work ethics. I found Robyn to work better when she had something in her life that was of interest to her. We talked about Universities and what she wanted to do with her life. The final decision was to study at St Thomas University in Fredericton! Her Dad and I brought her up and got her settled in, and we left her to face this big world on her own.
             There will be many bumps along the way I am sure, many uncertainties and doubts, however, I have every reason to believe that Robyn will succeed in whatever she sets her mind to. She is my little girl and together we faced some major bumps in our path, yet I truly believe that each problem that she faced has made her the strong, determined person that she is. One thing she is not is a quitter! God never promised an easy road but He did promise that He would be with us and that we could do all things through Him who strengths’ us.

            Robyn’s Mom,
                        -Sandy

Organizational Chaos

For a while now, I have been getting hints from mom's with suggestions to doing a blog on organization to help their little ones who are struggling with it, because trust me, I was once there. I was not always this organized, it took time, routine, determination, and support as do most things in life to an APD child.

In my life, I will admit, even though I am organized. I DO have to work so hard at it as I said before... I have to keep up with it and keep at it (routine) or it will most definitely turn into ORGANIZATIONAL CHAOS!| So, below I am going to list some tips I use to keep organized and then explain how I use them and how it works.

1. List are a GOD SEND!
- For the APD child, having list are a GOD SEND! We need visuals to help us know what we need to do. I make list for EVERYTHING. However, depending on your child you can go about list a different way. For me, I like everything that I have to do on the list, this way I can check off the ones I do as I go along and feel like im accomomplishing something, however, some kids would find that too overwhelming and would get discouraged. So, if your kid who likes to know everything they have to do before hand like me then you(the parent) should make a list at the begining of the day at first and you could post it on a bulletin board or in their room where ever works best for them, then after they get the hang of that, the next week, get them to do the list with you. If they are ok at writing and can write(or even if they have trouble, this could be good practice) take the time to sit down with them and tell them one by one what they need to put on the list(you could have a copy made yourself already if you like and they can copy from it or you can just call it out to them whatever they prefer, but the key thing about this step is to have patience). Then while after while try reminding them less and less about making list and see if they remember to make one(do not pick a busy time to 'test the theory' because they may still forget and then they will be very overwhelmed and im sure you moms and dads are well aware of how much worse things are when your apd kid is overwhelmed).

**One idea you can use to get them motivated is to use different colours for different task

2. My Agenda is my best friend:)
- First I am going to start this by saying once again, as a kid I was most definitely not organized at ALL! I would get reports on my report card that said "Robyn is very disorganized" or "Robyn needs to be more cautious and careful with her work"... well little did they know all they needed to do was make organization a routine in the classroom and instead of being negative find my good qualities and then use those to help me in aiding my flaws. So, in high school, grade 11, when I moved to a new school that was when I REALLY got organized. My new best friend that I had met at this school was super into school stuff, top student, and very goal driven and I admired that I still do and wanted to be like that so I got myself an agenda just like her and started to write down my homework. I got a really pretty agenda(Tip for moms with girls: If you get one with a pretty design or one with a blank cover and then let them do the design of the cover themselves they are more likley to write in it. Well, it worked for me anyways) however organization dosen't happen overnight it took a lot of drive and extra work on my part but a lot of it was people just accepted I had a problem and didn't help me try and 'rehab' it so to speak. But when I got to this new school and the new best friend I was telling you about would write in her agenda(and since we both had a lot of the same classes) I would just go by her example, and then by the next year I had mannaged to get into the habit of writing in my agenda. Now, it is to the point where EVERYTHING goes in the agenda and if I loose my agenda I panic(that happened a few times in grade 12 - but I very quickly found it)


3. The Horror of School Notes and Sheets!
-This was one of my largest problems as a young kid and now, I freak if a sheet is out of place. When getting your kid ready for school, after your kid has had every subject and is told what they are expected to have use that as a guideline to try and keep them organized, however, don't make things too different that the kid gets confussed and can't keep order. For example, if your child is in a class where there is no text book and just hand out notes, try to keep them all in a binder. Have a folder slot in it so if there is no hole punch at the school they can come home and hole punch it. For the first while try and keep up with your kids binders and how they look and if pages are starting to get loose or ripped you have two options you can use the little round circles that you put where the hole punched holes are OR you can get plastic sleeves that way there is no holes in the sides you have to keep checking on and in my experience they tend to work really well. Another thing about the binder is make sure things are labeled. You can use sticker tab (mini sticky notes - I like the colour coded ones:P) or you can get dividers. All these things are generally not too expensive and make a world of difference when you are trying to keep your kid organized. You can label the notes by chapter or by section, or by dates. I tend to use a dividor for each chapter that way when I am reviewing its very easy to go back and find something. I normally use the dividers for chapters and then if there are things within the chapter that need to be seperated I use small sticky tabs. I get a bunch of colours in a pack at walmart or staples. However, if your childs class is all through the text book and not much notes I would suggest using a note book instead of writing all notes on the loose leaf because as I previously mentioned they rip really easy, unless of course your child gets another kids notes(which if they struggle with it and don't have a smart pen - they should get that as an accomidation- that was one of my key accomidation before I got my pen) then I would totally recommend the plastic sleves. They are wonderful for keeping things in place and you don't need to worry about pages getting ripped and falling out and then loosing some notes.


4. Keeping it all together
-If your in high school or younger, you don't really need to worry about this unless you have a very large school, however one tip that I began to develop in university(which is more for comfort than for organization) was to just take a clipboard to class with a legal pad of paper with things that needed to be wrote down, along with my agenda and if the class had one a text book. The reason being, when you are in university it is difficult to take home a bunch of binders and bring them to campus because its very difficult. However, what I do then is keep the binders at home I only bring binders if I have toutering and need older notes to review but in most cases I try to take as little as possible. Also, if you are in elementary school or even jr high you probably don't need a binder for each subject however instead of brining a clipboard, I would just have a bigger binder for all subjects and then use the dividors for each subject, and then, within each dividor use the little tabs for each chapter because at the younger levels you don't have too much to divide.


5. Bye bye locker clutter:)
- I am sure many of you parents are probably thinking " I hate that I am not at school, I can't be there helping them and I don't know what they are doing". However, all you can do is try to keep them organized at home and make organization fun. Don't make organization a chore make it a daily routined fun activity. Use things of their intrerest. For instance, I like music so if I am just organizing my binders and not studying what is in them I like to have my music playing. I also like things to be colourful so I enjoy colour coding things in my notes or whatever. So, hopefully when they go to school, they will keep their lockers clean. For instance, in my grade 12 year I bought a locker kit it was a extra shelf and a white board with marker and had some magnets and stuff to go in my locker and I used it to keep me organized and it was my favourite colour purple so because I loved the stuff in my locker I always wanted it to look neat so at the end of everyday(I was lucky I didn't have to catch a bus) I would tidy my locker and make sure my books for the next day were ready!

6. Staying organized at home
- Many of these tips I used before can be used at home. For instance keeping your locker clean, same as keeping room clean and making list for chores is the same as list for school task(colour coding them is the way to go). However, all and all, I will say the key to this all, and not just home but at school too is you need to have tons of patience with your APD kid because as I said this does not come over night. You just need to remember that if you do your part now, hopefully down the road it will catch on and they will be doing it on their own. Its like riding a bike. You need help at first and need your mom or dad to hold the seat but once you get the hang of it you never forget it. So just be patient and one day we will get it!:)


-apdteen23

Take a walk in my shoes....

If you are a parent, friend, teacher, or relative of someone who has APD, chances are you have found my blog to find answers of what it is really like to have APD and how you can best help that person you care for. Well, I am going to not only tell you what its like, I am going to do my best in helping you see what its like. So, keep reading and take a journey in my shoes...

Clear your head and imagine you are sitting in a classroom. Pretend that you are sitting about midway in the class, not to the front but not too far towards the back either. Now imagine that there is a girl sitting next to you who is fiddling in her backpack, a girl behind you is talking to a neighbour about their plans for the weekend, a boy on the other side of you is chewing a piece of gum trying to make a bubble. Then you look up and try to block that out and look at the teacher however you notice her shoe is untied and that the air vent behind your teacher is making a weird noise, so to you the teachers instructions are starting to sound like the teacher on charlie brown, in other words, its not sinking in nor is it making any sense. By the time you mannage to focus the teacher has said "does everyone understand what they have to do"? and so you being completly lost and embaressed decide to say nothing and sit there not knowing what to do looking around the room at your classmates for clues as to what is to be done.

Pretty over whelming eh? Lets give you another example because let me tell you, its not just about the class room. Pretend you are in the hallway sitting around with a bunch of friends.One girl is talking about a movie she saw the night before and the other girls are raving to see it and are all contributing. Then out of the blue another girl starts talking about another movie, quite simular and you are still thinking about the first movie being spoken about so now that you have processed what you want to say you decide to contribute only for the other girls to begin to tease you and say things like "Your so slow" or "Geez bit of a blonde moment there". Can you imagine having to deal with this EVERY SINGLE DAY?

How about just a normal day at home. Your sitting down on the couch and talking to your mom and then she says " Honey, after you finish feeding the dog can you go upstairs and put the cloths away and then grab my green jacket on the right hand side of my closet so I can take you to school"? To a 'normal' person, those instructions are fine but if you have APD chances are your not going to remember half of those instructions or you will mix them up like instead of looking in the right side of the closet you will look to the left, and instead of getting the green jacket you get the blue one or you will go up stairs and go straight for the jacket completly forgetting about the clothing that needs to be put away. Even if the instructions are short, you have to be careful that you are completly clear on what you said and make sure that APD child has heard what you said. Once, my aunt sent me to get her key underneath her paint can outside her house to get something in her house and I spend 10 minutes looking for a PINK can before her calling me and telling me the difference.

Here is another question. Have you ever had the experience of listening to someone talk that has a different accent than you or has a lisp or even just talks a little faster? Do you remember the feeling of having to focus so hard on each word spoken trying to figure out what he or she is saying and becoming so frustrated and annoyed having to ask them to repeat things or to slow down? This is what it is like for somoene with APD EVERYDAY! On top of this, there is the struggle with school work, reading, and other struggles that come with the territory of having a learning disability.

So, in saying all this I would like to ask you, Why would one 'fake' having a LD when they it is such a struggle or why would one laugh and make fun of someone who has one? The truth is yeah, we are a little bit different than what most people would call "average" but really what is average? Aren't we all unique and all different in our own way? Yes some people, like myself require more things to help us with our challenges that make us different but that dosen't mean we aren't smart, independant, capable, loving, kind, and driven human beings.

Some of you may think...How can this girl have a learning disability when she can write a blog like this? Well, my answer to that would be having a LD dosen't mean we struggle with everything it means we have stuggles  with a few things but excell in other areas.  To be more specific, the Learning Disabilities Association of Canada defines it as "A number of disorders which may affect the acquisition, organization, retention, understanding or use of verbal and non verbal information. These disorders affect learning in individuals who otherwise have atleast average abilities essential for thinking and/or reasoning". For instance, take a look at Albert Eienstien a man who was so intellegent in the area of math and science and created formula's however he has dyslexia and struggled with reading. Also, there are people like Thomas Edison who created the light bulb, Tom Cruise the famous actor and Walt Disney the creator of Disney. For me, I struggle with comprehension, listening, short term memory, spelling just to name a few however I am talented with my music, I am also a good writer(despite grammer and spelling issues), I am very organized and most importantly am a very determined and hard working person and although I don't always get that A on a test, and may not always get the joke first thing, It dosen't mean I am stupid.

Now, after reading this, let me ask you. Why is it so hard for some family, friends, teachers or even parents to be understanding of a child with a LD. We understand you don't all have PHDs or all the knowledge in the world on not only auditory processing disorder, but any LD, however, we do hope that instead of putting us down saying we are no good and can't do anything or going the other way and saying we look fine and should stop being lazy, why can't you instead take the time to understand us and truly learn what we go through day after day and appreciate that even though we struggle, we are trying our best to succeed.

So, I would like to end this blog post by saying wouldn't it just be easier to accept our challenges and help us feel better about ourselves than to tear us down? Do you think by putting us down or ignoring it that things will get better? Just like any person who is struggling we need support and guidance. I have been quite fortunate and have met so many wonderful people through facebook groups(which I mention quite a bit) who have kids or they themselves are dealing with many of the same issues I am so its like I have a large extended and supportive family:) It is so great to have that support because often times we don't get it from the people we think are suppose to love us the most which can be so hurtful. I will leave you with this quote that says " Family isn't always blood. Its the people in your life who want you in their's; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what". - Unknown


-apdteen23

Through the eyes of a teacher...

A few days ago, I was blessed with the oppertunity to sit down and talk with a substitute school teacher who is the sister of one of my mom's close friends. The reason I wanted to write a blog about this was because during this experience of talking to her I got to see what its like from the teacher view point in having to deal with children in their classrooms who have learning disabilities and the ones who have yet to be diagnosed.

This whole conversation began with me telling her all about my frustrations at MUN with the lack of services there and why I was going back to Fredericton to St Thomas. After I explained myself she was very interested to know what I struggled with in terms of my learning and wanted to know all about Auditory Processing Disorder and me being horrible at explaining things verbally by continuously loosing my train of thought and having difficulties sequncing what I wanted to say I did some how mannage to be able to educate her in some of my own areas of difficulty and what I have recently been reading on APD. As we were talking she was saying how there is a boy in her class that she fills in for sometimes has a lot of the same difficulties that I mentioned. She also mentioned that this kid is extremly bright and works hard and she can see that but its very clear that he struggles. When she told me this after I had told her about APD I felt so good knowing that I had helped educate a teacher about APD and hopefully have helped this little boy who is struggling to get some help as he is still only in elementary school and the earlier they find out the better.

Throughout the conversation I also mentioned how so many times APD gets misdiagnosed as ADD which got her on the topic of how there are student in her class that have been diagnosed and there are a few others that she thinks may have it. She also mentioned how she had brought it to the attention of some parents that she has deffinitly seen issues in and so many parents get so sensitive when they hear a teacher say that because for some reason some parents don't want their children burdened with a label. However, like this school teacher pointed out which I never thought of before was " If a kid is really struggling, they are already going to be looked at differently and teased by classmates, by diagnosing them it isn't giving them a label its giving them a reason as to why they act the way they do". I personally believe, that the major issue in our society is that people see it as a sign of weakness or a bad thing to have a learning disability but honestly, if our teachers, parents, and so on look at a learning disability as just something that some kids have that make them learn a little differently, and that was being taught to the next generation I don't think there would be so much stigma behind it. People make such a big deal about kids having this 'label' when really, without it they feel stupid because they don't understand why they are the way they are and THAT is the crime!


After further discussion with this teacher, I got to see more through her eyes what it is like to teach a room full of kids every day and how it is so hard for a teacher to give children attention. She also told me that for her, she can see the difference in a child who truly is trying but is struggling and a child who isn't trying and even she believes it isn't fair to write off a kid as a hard case because yeah they may be but there is a reason for it and instead of writing them off, people need to be dealing with the problem. She also told me how even though she can tell the difference, she admitted that she is not educated in the area of learning disabilities and wouldn't know what name to put on it or what kind of LD it would be and THAT reassures me that the issue is lack of education. Why is it when a teacher is in school being taught to teach a room of kids, they are not taught about learning disabilities and how to treat kids with them. I realize that all teachers can't be at the masters level of knowing the ins and out of LDs and knowing how to diagnose them which is fine that is what we have our speech language, our guidance counselors, psychologist and audiologist for HOWEVER they should be given basic knowledge of how to see it in children and how best to intervene.

This teacher also told me another major issue is once they see the issue is getting the child evaluated. Why is it there is such a long line of waiting for a child to get tested for anything? She told me how they have a wonderful guidance counselor who is very informative however with one guidance counselor and so many struggling kids how does everything get done? For one thing there is not enough people in the schools or wherever else to be testing. If a parent wants a diagnosis for their child often times they have to go and pay hundreds to thousands of dollars to get their child tested because there is too big of a wait in the schools and often times many parents can't afford to do that so in this case the child has to sit tight and suffer until a final diagnosis is made and even then so many times there is a misdiagnosis and the testing goes on for years.

So, in saying all this, I want to say that I admire the teachers who go out on a limb and try to make a difference in childrens lives because really isn't that what teaching is all about? I know throughout my school days and even so far in university I have had teachers like that who have went out on a limb for me many times however that was AFTER the diagnosis. For me, I was told I was lazy, not trying and so on until I was diagnosed. Can you imagine being a kid being told that for so long and trying so hard yet everyone telling you your not trying hard enough? The key to all of this is to educate our teachers. A classroom is like a shoe, there is no 'one size fits all' because every student is different and even are most caring teachers are not educated and so unless the parent notices, these kids continue to fall through the cracks.

In saying all this, it is not up to us to help and get the word out there. No one knows more than someone who lives with it, or a parent who has watched their child live with it so now we need to open to key to the box of our knowledge and continue telling people about APD until we are blue in the face and not just APD but all learning disabilities. It is my wish that in the future less and less kids go through the pain of not being diagnosed until years and years into the school system. I know personally of people who were not diagnosed as having LD until they were in grade 12. Can you imagine going through your whole school career struggling like that? So lets raise our voices and make a stand and make a difference.

There is a song I heard a few days ago and I am going to add it to the end here so you guys can listen! This song speaks to me because its what I wanna do. I know that with Gods strength and grace along with the support of my APD family I can help and spread the word! I know that I can help make a difference and set the world on fire!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66sQmu6fnxc


-apdteen23

THANKS!!

Hi wonderful people,
My name is Sandy and I am very proud to say Robyn is my daughter.   I want to thank you people that have responded to her post. In a world where there is so much negative things said and done, it is very refreshing to hear what this group of people are saying.  

can not find a word that comes close to explaining the joy I feel.  Robyn has been through so very much over the years. Her own battle with APD, loosing her Nan to Cancer at the young age of 66, having her uncle loss at sea not even a year later, who was only 46, and then to watch her own life unravel when she came home from University for Christmas, and came face to face with her Dad no longer being there. Not only had he left our marriage but he left the closeness that he and Robyn once shared. She was force to deal with her own pain and sorrow that this separation had caused. To deal with the rejection....

However, she is a fighter! Later I will indeed write about the struggles of  being a Mom with a child  with APD,  but for now I just want to thank you for helping Robyn see that her experiences in this life, do matter. You guy's have given her so much encouragement and confidence to face the unknown.   I do believe that our Lord, God used each of you.
Bless you.

-apdmom

The Roller Coaster Ride Continues...

First of all, I want to wish all the mothers a very very happy mothers day! Without the constant help and support of our mothers, us APDers would not be where we are. You guys are the ones who are there to hold us when we come home crying after a bad day, your there to email or call the teacher when they have treated us unfairly or didn't explain the homework assignment in a way we understood and most importantly your there encouraging us every step of the way even when having to deal with us can be stressful and things sometimes look hopeless, you still continue to believe in us which is what keeps us going!

Secondly, I want to tell you all that yet again I have had to alter my educational plans. Its a bit of a long story so embrace yourself for the read:P This past monday, I started university here in my home of Newfoundland for the summer session to try and catch up on some courses so I could finish where I left off in the fall and still be ready to apply to the faculty of social work on time. **side note** For those of you just tuning in and have missed some information before this blog- I am currently trying to pursue a degree in social work. Anyway to make a very long story shorter, I started at Memorial University which to my disadvantage is a very large university however despite the size I was told the student services centre for students with learning disabilities was a good place and helpful however I was totally misguided! I met with the people at the centre and I was in for a big suprise. Even though they have had my documentation for over a month(which they admitted) they hadn't yet reviewed my documentation and they had to get a psychologist look over it and then meet with me before they could give me ANY supports at all. Also, their psychologist is conviently on holidays for a few weeks so by the time she got back, reviewed my stuff, and met with me, then discussed my supports with the people who work at the centre it would be weeks and my classes were already started and exam dates were already set. Not only that but the supports were very limited and since its such a large university they have trouble accomidating all their students. On top of all this, I then came down with a REALLY bad case of the stomache flu and was up very sick throwing up the night before one of my classes and because I was contagious and very stomach sick I had to miss two days of classes and my first midterm(because I am in intersession and its only two months long) was scheduled for this thursday coming. Needless to say, I was not long getting into a complete panic of "what am I going to do now" and very quickly went into complete shut down mode.

After much thought and discussion to friends, family members, and of course my rock(my mama) I came to the hard decision of leaving MUN. Looking from afar, many would say that I gave up too easily to keep going and see how it goes, however what many people don't realize is for someone with a learning disability these supports are cruitial to getting success. University is hard for the average student however when having the added stress of a learning disability even though we try and not make it all we are, causes things to be extremly frustrating.

So, once this was done and I dropped my courses at MUN it was then time to think "OK now what am I going to do"? I was accepted to a community college here in Newfoundland to do community studies but I still want to be a social worker and while that is simular it would not give me the same type of job oppertunities nor would it get me where I want to be. So then there is the thought "well I was accepted to college in red deer to do social work at a college level, however it would now be too late as I had to have my 100 volunteer done by now along with my other papers of documentation and interview and so on and so fourth". So, this brought me right back to my original thinking, what I left in the begining. I revisited the idea of going back to my original university of St Thomas University. Although the social work course there is 5 years versus the 4 years here in Newfoundland, I did get better support there, I had a wonderful supportive enviroment, great friends, and good professors. Yes, I did pick some bad courses while I was planning to do education(math) however at st thomas it is completly avoidable.

Now, I know what you must be thinking. Is she crazy? This girl needs to make up her mind and settle she can't keep changing her mind. Yes, I TOTALLY agree I do need to settle and make up my mind and so after much thoughtful consideration and hard thought I decided to go back to St. Thomas. While many of you may say "well she left it in the first place so why would she go back and try again"? Well, my answer to that is first, there is a detail that I didn't share the last time when I left that dosen't have to do with APD which is why I didn't share it, however it was a MAJOR deciding factor in me not coming back and that was when I came home for christmas in december I was to learn my father had left my mom and they were about to start the process of divorce. Me, being the only child, I decided to stay home to help my mom because I didn't want to leave her alone, and honestly, with all this going on, I didn't want to be that far away from home at the time. However, now that time has passed and the divorce will soon be final, I feel now it is my time to continue with my education and to do what is right for me. I know my mom will be ok because honestly she is the strongest person I know and I know she has many friends and of course our Lord watching out for her everyday and she is surrounded with love and support. It will be hard to leave her but I know for me to get my education I have to make sacrafices and I have a whole support system waiting for me at st thomas.

In the 48 hours that I have been making these decisions I have been talking to so many people from st thomas including an old professor and a lady from the student services office who were such wonderful support to me in my journey at st thomas and they are all so happy I am returning and despite my difficulties they believe in me and most importantly im starting to believe in myself. I know I have a long way to go and I know it is going to be far from easy but I do know if I remain possitive, keep trying, trust in God to guide me in the right direction, work my hardest, and never be afraid to ask for help that I will be ok.

Thank you all so much to my readers for continuing to read my incredibly long post and continuing to support me in everything I do! You are all so much apart of where I have gotten today!

-apdteen23

A day in the life.. the hussle and bussle

So, since I haven't written in a while I figured I would write a blog to update you all on the current life changes that have been happening to me especially in the last 24 hours and how it all applies to my APD.

First and foremost, yesterday was moving day for me. My stuff was all put into the u-haul and my keys to my old house were put in custody until the owner gets them on the first of the month and my mom and I got the movers to start driving towards our new home 5 hours away. This morning my mom and I arrived at the new house and the movers move us in, however, it was CAIOUS! For starters, when we got there, there were a few complications with the house that my mother had to pan out with the leasing agent then the movers moved the stuff in and of course I was over tired things were coming and going so fast however that was not the worst of it. Then, we went to my aunts house and she has two small children and while I LOVE them very very much, they both seem to love me a whole lot too because they both wanted my attention. The worst for me would be when they would both be talking or something at the same time about two different things and trying to get my attention it gets kinda frustrating after a while. Then we went in the car to drive to my new house to check on the few complacations and so we all went out together and we ran into more trouble with the house, the kids were talking and bored because they were worn out from the driving around and the temeperature was warm, my mom and aunt were talking, my little cousins dvd player was playing a movie and that was turned up and to some people thats normal day caious but for me that is complete processing overload, to the point where I would miss things my aunt would say and have to say what about 100 times(bit of an exaggeration but not much).

The MAIN issue with my whole day was the fast paste, the bunch of people all talking at once, the heat which wasn't helping my mood and lack of sleep wasn't helping but even if I was fully rested this alone would be enough to completly tire me out. Then the last issue I remember the whole day was when we were back at my aunts and my mom asked me to pick her up a tooth brush while we were out running erands and I completly forgot because as she was telling me yet again both kids were talking and there was background noise. For the sake of the other moms who are trying to understand their kids better I try to be more observant as to what frustrates me and what can cause so much stress for me.

Well readers I know this blog was kinda short and probably a little confussing but as I previously mentioned I am very tired but I wanted to update you all. I have an early rise I am going back to my house as my beds couldn't be delivered until tomorrow so we had to sleep at my aunts for the night. So, thank-you to all my readers for following me and I hope you all have a lovely weekend:)